Nights of Insomnia

Dear loved ones

If there's one thing I've learned on this godforsaken planet is that people leave you, and love never lasts. The stars are proof of that, and so is my broken heart. Even if they promised to stay, even if you feel invincible through love it all dies and breaks. No person can escape this cruel, unforgiving land unscathed. I know that, and unavoidably, so do you. And there's that feeling of guilt, when in all actuality no one has control, there's no 'what if's' or 'could have's'. There's only 'why?'. You may be reading this, thinking about my negative, cynical way of life. You may be thinking about how I'm only living in my head, but to me, you are the one living in fairy tales. These cosmogyral thoughts have kept me up at night, have caused me to take a blade to my skin, and have caused me to inexplicably hate myself.

Dearest sister-
You've done so well lately, and have managed to sleep throughout more than two nights in consecutive order. I wish I could say the same for me. But nevertheless, I'm so proud of you sweetheart. I'm sorry for constantly making you worried, for making you stressed for my wellbeing, and ultimately for leaving you when I have told you numerously that I would never dream of it. But now it's all I dream about, awake or otherwise. You are a strong girl who I have no doubt will grow into such an amazingly successful life. Please forget about me. Forget about your horrible sister who has let you down more than once. Who in the end left you alone with no one except the demons crowded into your mind, tearing apart your sanity piece by piece. I love you, I always have, but this is something I need to do. Don't blame yourself, please. Don't tear yourself apart, just stay yourself, you can do that can't you?

Father-
When mother died you completely fell apart. I was old enough to know the old you, and I ask you that my death brings him back. Not for yourself, but for the daughter you have left. She will need you there. Get rid of all the alcoholic beverages, all drugs or joints. Anything that prevent you from having a completely sober state of mind, trash it. My sister doesn't need to get into that shit, because if she did she'll get hooked and you'll loose your only daughter to the clutches of addiction.

George and Barbra-
I think I'll miss the two of you the most. You were always there for me, no matter how many times I pushed you guys away. I'll miss the smell of your cigar George, and Barbra, I'll miss the way you say mon cher, and the calming effect it has on me. Both mental and physical. You have all been so amazing to me, and accepted me without second thought, thank you. I hope you understand why I did this, and if you don't then I pray to whatever's out there that you don't grow to hate me, or my decision.

And lastly, Dear me:
Your poetic nothings are truly nothing in the end.