swallowing pills

Beginnings

last time

how does it feel the last time you see someone?

were you waiting for this moment?

planning on how you would feel?

or do you enjoy every minute, every second spent with them.

cherish the laughs, the quiet, the stillness of your image.

you dont think about the last time you are going to see someone, you dont think about the last time you are going to spend with someone.

youre so indifferent, so lost in joy and comfort.

when the time does come you panic . you get startled

how?

"We knew this was going to happen".

you don't know what to say or do.

just sit down on that carpeted floor that oddly reminds you of that person, and run your fingers on the rough yet soft surface. you lie down, pull a couple blankets over yourself and turn to your side, trying so hard to sleep but you can't.

you think about all the times you spent with each other.

you trace their fingers on your body.

in your heart you had hoped you'd always be with them, hope you'll see them the next day.

they're not dead just distanced, restricted from your reach.

they're your forbidden fruit calling out your name pulling you into their embrace.

you want to.

oh, you really want to.

but can't.

cant.

because you're not allowed.

you're not allowed the happiness this person gives you, radiates off you, makes you get lost in your thoughts, makes you get lost in them.

It hurts.

Not knowing how they feel.

You want them to know, they were there. they were there when you were on a journey.

A journey of healing and self-love.

you don't know exactly how you feel but you wish they knew how you feel.

regardless, it makes you fight for their presence.

you take risks and you jump.

- not arriving on a platform, still flying in thin air.