Never ask

Untitled Part 1

                     Kamado Tanjirou? It was very brave of you to say that to our lord this evening. We aren't very closed, are we? So why you said like you are extremely worried about my life that much? You just came here, to our estates, a week ago, with your demon sister, and I don't like demons. Now, for the last three days you seem different from the first day you appear at my sights. You always ask me not to go anywhere except along the Fuji's path under the sun. You even ask my lord not to send me to work also. This evening, it was very brave... bold of you to insist what our lord had just decided....

                     You look like you have something to confess, I supposed. Wait, that look... Give me a minute... I know that look from your eyes. I am familiar with it like looking in the mirror. Your eyes are so sad that you could cry anytime. Have I done something to harm you? I never harm anyone except the demon for them to go to hell. Tell me if you want to get it off your chest, but If you don't want to, then don't. Why is that so hard?

                     Wo! Easy, little boy. Don't split out your tears. I see the tears something normal, like a drop on pedestal runs into the river. Your tears mean nothing to me, even I'm standing here or elsewhere... Yes, you really seem different from the last time we met! Tomorrow I'm going to do my job, you can't stop me. I've heard that you and your friends will go, too. So, why rush? Good night and see you

                     You resist that I can't go, especially to the train? I'd like to know the reasons. You'll not tell me either? That's fine. No, don't say it please, for me to go to sleep and shine bright in the next day. Since you won't let go off me easily tonight, let's have a little conversation under the silent light. The moon is so round and so soft. The benches here have the most wonderful view at night time. I think the moon wants to hear some stories before the sun comes up. Kamado Tanjirou, be the sun. I'm going to tell you my story.

                     I sound like an old man even I'm so young. But you know, in this way, I feel freer to talk about my past, my family.... No, the topic is too broad. Let's focus only on my mother who passed away many years ago. Haven't you ever lost someone who you consider as important as you will commit suicide after they are dead? You have? Maybe. Your intention is so strong that you feel confident to take drug and overdose. I feel like that when my mother died of her sickness, and if I have a chance to fix something, I would try for a thousand times to help her. You can't tell from my glittering eyes that I have a various method in my thought. I was so sure if I change the way, I can fix everything.

                  Don't frown. Don't be panic. The clock is ticking. The stars are falling. In fact, I am like you. I got a second chance. In my dream, I could save my mother's life, but just for two more deep breathes. I told her that that day was not her dying day yet because "I" was there. You know what happened? My mother told me to stop! Just stop and look around. She told me to let go off her dearest hands. She did not even cry to say such things to her own son. Smiling, "Let go off my hands", she said.

                  If you can't imagine how beautiful her smile is, look at me right now. See? This night you shall come back.... To your room quietly but not alone. Someone will accompany you on your way but not me. Oh, for my mother, after she smiled, she just went to sleep. To rest, yes, a second time, she rested forever, in front of my eyes.

                 What I can do unless ask for more chances. I ask for the third, fourth and fifth, but so what? I can't change my mother destiny and the will to die. She dies anyway. Rest in peace and her stone speak a voice through the wind "let go off my hands". Maybe you don't notice that this world runs without waiting. It runs so fast... Look at my hair. I bet you have an idea of touching it. With its shinny bright matching colour, you could be blind as you're staring at the sun. Yes, Kamado my boy. You could be blind sometimes. Until you discover that your life is wasted. Until you discover that you are alone in this world and have to cope with your feelings not to disturb the universe. You come alone and go alone anyway. People around you make you presume that you are not alone.

                The stars shine bright tonight. I wish to see the milky way! The river of heaven breaks through the night sky. Imagine that. If I have the opportunity to see it tomorrow night, it'll be the best thing I encounter in these long years. No, I prefer not to hope. Since "you" come to me.... Since I'm not sure, I don't know if I have the right to wait for it. The right to see how the sun is relentless tomorrow....

                So please go back, Kamado my boy. Go back to your place and leave me as I am here. All my life I have enough time to prepare. Somewhere which the wind blows and takes the leaves. I used to ask my mother why she didn't want my help. Now I can pass on her message proudly. Because it's already happened and you're just there. You can't fix it. You can't change anything. Rather, you must live with it and move on. Moving on is hard, I understand. But at least someday you will forget me, forget our conversation today, forget your agony. You will forget to try.

                This world is so cruel. This world is so gay. After the rains, the grass is greener and fresher. You understand me, right? Kamado my boy. Tomorrow, whatever you or my mother say, I am going. I'm going to fight those demons outside. You can't stop me nor can change anything. I chose it because it's my life. And yours is yours. Follow the sun and be like it!