SO...I, COMMODUS, MADE AMERICA GREAT!

Chapter 1. Beating Your Feet On The Mississippi Mud

So... I, Commodus, made America great! These are my commentaries on the grand adventures and dangerous struggles I confronted and triumphed over, with Honor. I know my father, Emperor Marcus Aurelius, and all the Roman Empire, who entrusted to me this great Mission of Ambassador to America, would be proud if they learned of this. Perhaps they shall. There is here no Roman historian, as Pliny the Elder; or Homer, who scribed the tales of Achilles and the Greek war with Troy, Rome's progenitor, and those of my ancestor Heracles himself. And so I must record them for posterity myself...in all modesty and honesty. Herewith, my testimony:

I and Balshazar, former Gladiator and my own war-mentor, stared out at the mouth of the "Mississippi River." After four months of heroic journey, I came, I saw, but I did not conquer, as the Divine Gaius Julius Caesar had done in Gaul 225 years ago! We did use not only the maps and Encyclopedia but also the advice given us by Miguel de la Mancha, my friend and the Ambassador to Rome from America, to arrive at this point in his homeland, nine years after his own mysterious appearance in Rome: follow the coastline of Africa through the Pillars of Heracles, south to the Azores, then west by slightly south, using the new "compasses" and "sextants" He had granted us to always find North and remain near Terra's equator. By crossing the wide Atlantic Ocean north of this, we took advantage of the steady westward wind and water currents He described. This proved accurate.

After 49 days with no sight of land, we arrived at what the maps showed to be "South America" near this continent's northeast corner. The entire fleet gave a great cheer of relief to end their terrors of open water! And again we proved that this world in NOT flat, but ball-shaped, its circumference having been measured by the Greeks centuries ago. We encountered only one storm of consequence, but rode it out without loss of life and only minor damage to one of the fleet's ships. And using the coast we again sailed–we did have to use the steam engines a few times when becalmed–north and west along this coast until we entered the "Gulf of Mexico."

 Per His advice again we went ashore only to restock supplies and avoided any native contacts. Finally we turned westward to pass "Cuba," an island also of no consequence to our main Mission. The civilizations here and in South America were, per Sir de la Mancha, at constant warfare and much too aggressive to react to our presence with any but the most violent responses. While I personally would have welcomed–and won--such a challenge, I realized it would have taken all Rome's Legions to even begin a protracted conquest. We had other means to use, with greater chance of success, in North America. We would see.

There were several large mouths of rivers entering this warm shallow sea, but the colors of these were not yet as Sir de la Mancha had described to us. Finally, after several days continuing north, then being forced to turn east and then south a day, we beheld the dark brown outflow of the widest river yet, fanning out from a wide delta into the clear green-blue sea waters. Anchoring for two days, we again sent shore parties to the nearest swampy land, to restock water, fuel wood, and some (strange but tasty!) game before starting our journey inland here. As during our prior stops to restock on the various coasts we encountered, these brave men reported seeing signs of active human habitation, but no actual people. Apparently they had fled inland at our approach, and I had ordered no pursuit–again following His advice.

The counsel of captains, governed by the Admiral, Nauticus Anemo, decided we should send but half the fleet up-river the next day, single-file to hide our numbers. Any urgent communications could be made using the messenger pigeons all ships carried. It seemed a good strategy to me. Yet I insisted, over their cautions, to lead in the Argo as standard bearer of the Roman Eagle, the huge bronze figurehead affixed to my ship's prow just below the small steam cannon. Moreover, we all agreed yet again that we would act according to the advice of the Ambassador and not perform anything provocative. After much discussion it was our decision to do something unexpected, to us and, we hoped, to the natives.