Alternate Realities, Alternate Destinies

Looking for Answers

Spock sat on his meditation stool - fingertips pressed together, eyes shut- focusing on his breathing. The base notes of sandalwood and patchouli permeated the air. It was an incense blend known to aid in deep meditation. It had been a gift from Leonard when he'd run out of his typical Vulcan blend just before their encounter with the Romulans.

Therefore, it was no surprise when all of Spock's thoughts became centered around the owner of eyes as blue as a clear day on Terra with a smile as blinding as the sun. For as sarcastic and abrasive as Leonard could be, he was equally kind, compassionate, and loving. Leonard possessed a quick, brilliant mind capable of simultaneous multi-layered thought processing and an uncanny ability to solve the unsolvable and succeed in the face of insurmountable odds.

And Spock would never admit to anyone else, but he missed him very much.

Why had he not been more attuned to Leonard's distress? He was closer to Leonard than Jim because their values and morals were so closely aligned while their scientific interests often had them working together and collaborating on projects even in their off time. Where Spock relied on his steadfast logic to see things through, Leonard applied his emotions when logic failed him. Together they were the physical embodiment of Yin and Yang.

Things had been hectic but he did not believe things were falling apart between the three of them. He had believed they were each doing their part to look after the ship and crew and acclimate to their new circumstances.  He had believed when the dust settled, the three of them would come out on the other side together and settled.

He had not known that Leonard's skills were obsolete in this time. As the ship's First Officer, he should  have.  He had no explanation for his oversight.  M'Benga had extensive knowledge of Vulcan biology and culture and had no trouble fitting in on the new Vulcan colony. Christine and other staff had always had interests in other parts of the medical field and happily accepted Starfleet's assistance to pursue them.

That just left Leonard adrift.

Spock had felt something was amiss before the encounter with the Romulans. Their interactions had decreased to occassional meals together. He knew Leonard had been feeling neglected and resolved to spend more time with him. Yet, every time he tried to spend time with his beloved, something pressing to do with ship's business would occur and he would have to see to it. Then they were sucked into the wormhole and things had not been calm enough to do anything. An urgent matter had come up on the colony right before Leonard left so Spock had not been able to see him off.

His door wooshed open, drawing his attention to the only other person who would enter his quarters without announcing their arrival. Even through the dim lighting, he could tell Jim was distressed. They had failed Leonard. They were so focused on the rest of the crew, the admiralty, and Enterprise, they'd forgotten about the one person that helped them keep it all together.

"How did I mess this up so badly, Spock?"

That is precisely what he had been asking himself since he left their luncheon so abruptly. Spock rose from his seat and put out the candle. Then he walked into the living area and stood in front of his other partner. Jim was flopped on the sofa with his head in his hands.

"You are not alone in your neglect of Leonard, Jim. I, too, had a part to play in this. If he had been happy, he would not have left. Had we both been paying more attention, we would have known he was unhappy and been able to deal with it sooner."

Jim scooted to the end of the cushion and rubbed his hands together. "But that nobody else saw it either, Spock. How oblivious could we all have been? Bones must have felt so lonely."

Spock clasped his hands behind his back as he pondered Jim's question. The bridge crew had failed Leonard simply because they did not have as much interaction with him due to his position being located in sick bay. Sure, Scotty and Leonard were known to 'kick back' over drinks, but Leonard's interaction with the rest of the command team were limited to sick bay visits, meetings, lunches, away missions, or when Leonard himself wandered up to the bridge.  Quick, superficial, nothing deeper than acquaintances.

But, there was one section of personnel Leonard was particularly close to. They would definitely have noticed changes in Leonard's emotional state. "It is a possibility those closest to him did, in fact, know that Leonard was suffering and simply chose not to say anything."

Jim rose to his feet in anger. "Who?! Why wouldn't they tell us?! Their CMO was falling apart! Didn't they care?!"

Spock raised an eyebrow at Jim's response. "Perhaps it's because they care that they did not tell us."

Jim's eyes narrowed.

"Especially," Spock continued. "If Leonard asked them not to thinking he would just be burdening us." He noticed the tic working in Jim's jaw.

"Who would know?"

Spock crossed his arms over his chest.  "Think, Jim. Who does Leonard spend the majority of his time with? Who would know more about his moods than us? Who is loyal to him without fault and would do anything he asked?" He watched the understanding dawn in Jim's eyes. Seems they had overlooked much.

Jim began to pace. "Of course! Dr. M'Benga and Nurse Chapel would do anything Bones asked of them even if they didn't agree."

"Indeed."

"We've got to find him. Talk to him."

"I have tried the contact information Leonard left to no avail."

Jim stopped pacing and faced him with a frown.  "What are you saying?"

"The comm has been disconnected."

"Where is he? We can beam down to his location."

"It is for an address near Starfleet headquarters which is vacant."

Jim smacked the back of the sofa and shook his fists in the air. "Dammit, Bones! You stubborn, thickheaded, menace of a doctor!"

Spock inwardly chuckled at Jim's display of frustration.  He sounded so much like their missing lover.  "Now you are starting to sound like, Leonard."

Running a hand through his hair, Jim chuckled. "I think we both can agree that Leonard has a tendency to...rub off on those around him."

Spock allowed a small smile. "Indeed he does."

**************

They knew that M'Benga and Chapel were Leonard's most loyal and trusted friends and co-workers. If Leonard asked them to do or not do something it was as good as done. They tried tracing Leonard's last moves from taking a shuttle from Enterprise to Earth, to a transporter beam out he'd taken from San Francisco to a symposium in Chicago. From there, they lost him. The last image they had on him from satellite feeds was of him entering the lecture hall and then nothing. Even surveillance cameras in the lecture hall lost Doctor Leonard McCoy when all two thousand attendees were suddenly evacuated for a gas leak.

A week into their search, they were called on a mission with the younger Enterprise crew on a first contact mission several light years away. Spock attempted to decline but was reminded he needed experience and training on how things were done and young Spock was interested in seeing how the two commands did things. Knowing that 'chasing after my lover' was not a sufficient nor acceptable reason to decline a mission such as this, Spock, Jim, and the rest of the older bridge crew set off on an eight week trip.

Hope was a human emotion but Spoke would admit he hoped he'd be able to find Leonard upon their return and make amends before it was too late.