Chasing Joy: And all things that Matter

Chapter Four: Don't Cry

Walking down the streets of Chinatown, he seemed regular enough. It kept bugging me that I had no idea of where in our department this man worked. He must have noticed my silence. "So, my name is Jonah." He said smiling at me from under his umbrella. "I am Joy." I said, returning a smile. "So, have you worked at the firm a long time?" He said dodging some people, eyes still fixated on me.Gosh. I don't even think I've ever had such an intense conversation with so little words. I can tell Jonah was focusing on my every word; my every facial expression. This man was studying me. ME??! "Um, yes over five years. I am the lead associate for our department." Ugh that sounded so pretentious. "I was staying late to finish up some work for a deadline for my boss. Have you worked at the firm for long?" I said hoping to connect dots on where this man has come from.

I must have said the wrong thing. He immediately broke his trance on me, to which I was relieved but then in an instant was replaced with some anxiety. What if he was just a well-dressed janitor? GET IT TOGETHER JOY! Look how ugly that sounds?! "I... work under the boss in your department. Hey, I have a question, why were you the only one working on that deadline? It isn't due until...I think next week?" Jonah said, completely derailing my anxiety ridden spiraling mental episode. "Yeah, I like to get things done ahead of time. I know no one has ever seen the boss but like it's important to me that I'm putting my best work out there... you know? I know that sounds so ambitious." I began to blush. My over compliance is so embarrassingly honest but it's true. In my mind I just needed a few good secretary years under my belt before I could be a research analyst at a firm that appreciated my full skill set.

Before I could spiral into another episode, Jonah stopped. He came directly in front of me and looked at me closely so that I couldn't look away. We were close enough where I could feel the heat of his breath close to my own. He then leaned in under my umbrella with the biggest smile and took my hand. If there were thousands of people in the street you couldn't tell me any different. It was like time literally stopped. His touch alone sent shivers over my heart and exploded in the cracks of my body. "Never apologize for wanting to do your best work, Joy. I think that any boss is lucky to have such a hard-working employee like yourself spending your Friday nights at the firm. Even if it's just for one night. Please don't feel like it goes unnoticed." His smile had completely reached his eyes. He spoke with so much conviction- it was clear he knew the boss very well. Not sure how long I stood there. Two strangers in the rain smiling. What a sight we must have been. "Sorry, I shouldn't stare. It seems you've taken all my words, Joy and that's not even the first time tonight". His body was so close to mine I had to adjust my umbrella to reach his height.

Once again; I was rendered speechless and returned a gentle smile.

We ate way more than appetizer egg rolls. He went up to the counter and ordered what easily could have fed a family of 5. The conversation just rolled off the tongue. It turns out Jonah has one younger brother. He also is a workaholic like me. He loves chess and is 33. There are even some artists we like and weird reality TV shows that we both find hilarious. We ate all the bits of food together and he was hungry. He scarfed down huge portions no problem. I mean he didn't have to worry about his physique unlike me. Jonah is barely human at this rate. Then the waiter brought our check and I realized it was almost 11pm. "I can get this check." I said, trying to assert my independence. "Absolutely not Joy and don't try to make me change my mind. First, I ate all the dumplings alone and Lastly, It isn't everyday I am braced with the presence of true beauty inside and out." He smiled as he signed the bill. "That just means you get the next one, if I haven't completely ruined any chance of seeing you again?" I could tell there was a twinge of uneasiness in his eyes. He never even asked me if I was dating anyone. Was I that desperate? Did I look like a girl that just didn't have a date?

I had done a lot out of my comfort zone tonight. I started to feel uneasy. I started to feel suspicious. At that moment I wasn't Joy the 25-year-old. I was Joy, the 22-year-old being dumped for being too big. Joy that gets her heartbroken every time. Joy that has learned that I do my best in the background. It came flooding back almost too quickly and as always at the worst time. Who was I trying to fool? I am Joy; the woman that couldn't be seen with a man like Jonah. I looked down at my plate. Damn how much have I eaten? Why hadn't I noticed until now? Tears began to creep up in my eyes. Before I allowed them to fall down my face I looked up from my trance."Thank you Jonah. I had a wonderful time. But, I am sorry I have to go." I said as I got up and walked out of the restaurant.