Fortuity

5

That night, and every night that followed after that Matthew slept in my room. He'd wait by the door in the red chair for me to anxiously fall asleep before he slid into bed beside me. I remember the first morning I woke up with him beside me, his arm caging me to his body. His alarm clock was the sound of my screams.

He'd wake with a start, a panicked look on his face and his eyes would scan the room until they found me, huddled in a corner. His body would instantly relax and he'd drag a hand down his face before rolling over and falling back asleep. The bedroom door was always locked and no matter how hard I looked I couldn't find the key. The only other place it would be is on his body, and there was no way I was willingly going near him. So each morning I expected him beside me and each morning I'd scramble out of his hold. Eventually he got annoyed.

"Why do you do that?" He asked one day when he woke up to a cold bed and me sitting in the farthest corner away from him. "Why do you run from me after a week of sleeping with you and I haven't tried anything?"

I looked up from the floor at his annoyed face, I don't know how long I'd been sitting there but my back ached from leaning against the hard wall. I just looked at him for a silent minute before I finally mumbled, "I don't want to be near you if I don't have to be."

He huffed in frustration and threw the covers off of him, straightening up on the side of the bed closest to me. My muscles clenched with fear and preparation to flee. "But you do have too," He said gruffly, adjusting his crumpled shirt. He usually slept without one, but the nights were getting colder. "You have to be near me because I won't allow you not to be."

His eyes were firm and didn't stray from my crumpled figure. He took a few steps closer but stopped when my limbs started shaking. When he didn't move my vocal cords worked again. "Why?" It was barely a whisper, his towering form only feet from me was intimidating.

He huffed again and raised his arms to run his hands through his hair. The quick action made me flinch, but he ignored it. "We are not going to have this conversation again."

My eyebrows furrowed and for a second I forgot about my fear. "What do you mean 'again'? All you told me was that you wanted me but you never said what for. Do you want a ransom? Because my parents don't have a lot of money but I think-"

His growl cut me off and he was kneeling in front of me in two strides, striking his fist against the wall by my head. "I don't want money, I have no use of that." His voice rang in my ears and my body trembled. His face was so close to mine, eyes dark with anger. I looked at my hands that gripped each other firmly in my lap.

"Then what do you want to use me for?" My voice didn't sound like mine, it sounded feeble and broken. Matthew leaned away from me, he looked like I had just struck him.

"I don't want to use you for anything," He said incredulously, his hand sliding down from the wall and instead resting on his knee. He looked at me, wide eyed and shaking, and his expression changed to one of outrage. "Is that what you think? That I'm some pervert that brought you here to violate you?"

Tears began pooling in my eyes as his voice rose higher. He stood over me, fuming. When I didn't answer he leaned down and grabbed my arms in a vice like grip, pulling me to my feet. "Did you think I was going to grab you?"

He turned us around and now began walking me backwards toward the bed. He pushed me down on it, despite my cries and pleas for him to stop. He climbed on top of me and pushed my hands down beside my head. "Did you think I was going to hold you down while you beg me to stop?"

He was yelling now, as his hands moved to the hem of my shirt and he ripped it over my head. He gripped my waist as he leaned closer. "Did you think I was going to undress you against your will even as you scream?" My heart was hammering in my chest and I couldn't hold my hands steady if my life depended on it.

Matthew shifted my legs to either side of his waist and pressed himself against me. "Did you think I was going to force myself on you?" His voice was a deadly whisper now, one hand had made its way to lightly cup my neck while the other remained firmly on my waist. I could't move, I could only cry.

His hand moved between our bodies until it squeezed me at my core, prompting a strangled scream. "Because I could show you what that's like if you want. Is that what you want?" My body was stiff from fear, my brain was quiet as I tried to think of a way out of this.

"Answer me!" He screamed in my face, his hand applying pressure to my neck for a second before he removed it. I spluttered and gasped for air as even though his hand wasn't on my throat anymore the tight squeeze of anxiety was still there. I whimpered and squirmed, but he didn't move, only seethed above me, waiting for an answer. Finally my body went limp and I met his angry eyes with my defeated ones. "Haven't you already?" I croaked. "Haven't you done that every day since I've been here?"

The anger seeped from his eyes and instead was replaced with regret. He shook his head as if he was coming out of a trance, and his eyes widened when he saw me beneath him, as if he didn't know how he got there. He sprang from the bed and as soon as his body wasn't touching mine anymore I grabbed the sheets to cover myself. I wanted to hide my entire body from him, but I kept my eyes above the sheet to peer at him on the other side of the room.

His eyebrows were furrowed as he stared down at his hands, as if wondering if he had control of them the whole time. When his eyes shifted to mine again I whimpered and moved to the opposite side of the bed. Matthew took a step forward and rose a hand as if to touch my face but I screamed and he retracted it. He looked pained, and a little manic.

"No wonder you think I'm a monster," He whispered, backing away from me to the door. "I can't control myself when I'm around you. I have these urges I can't suppress, to the point where I don't care if you're in pain I-" He cuts himself off his voice crack with emotion, tears pool in his eyes as he looks at me. I just stare at him, confused and terrified. If he doesn't know how to control himself I am in serious danger.

He swallowed almost anxiously as he fished the key from his pocket and slid into the door. He turned the lock and looked back at me as he opened the door, "I'm so sorry." He whispered, and then disappeared into the hallway, leaving the door ajar behind him.