My Bijou! A Maylor Love Story

America's New Bride (okay Grooms)To Be ...Part 5

24 March 1975

Tour bus - en route to Tulsa, Oklahoma

Brian's POV

Our lives had shifted because of one phone call.  And one...well two letters.  Everything felt surreal but the reality of our future was a weight that was palpable at times.  I think we both tried to focus on the tour and being in the moment since we knew when we got home things would be very different.

At Roger's behest we said nothing to Freddie or Deacy.  They had their own drama going on so it was a blessing to keep things quiet for now.  Freddie's throat problems were becoming a real threat to the rest of the tour.  I really felt for him as I knew how it felt to be the cause of cancelled shows and disappointing my band family and the fans.  Freddie's mood towards Roger and myself had lightened so we spent more time trying to make him feel better about his health and being supportive.  It was a nice distraction from our own worries.  Deacy was feeling guilt and stress from not being home for the his wife's blossoming pregnancy.  I truly felt bad that he was missing out on her milestones.  They had not managed to move house before we left on tour and I knew the pressure to find a new place and make room for baby was present in his mind.

Of course, every time Deacy talked about the baby, it made me think about Tiger Lily.  Tiger Lily!  Roger had laughed when I told him her name that day.  He explained that he remembered them talking about the story Peter Pan and how they both liked it.  She had loved the fact that his name was Roger and that Captain Hook's ship in the story was the Jolly Roger.  He recalled her saying she found him quite jolly and it had made him laugh.  He was pained as he recalled snippets of their brief time together.  I felt awful for him and didn't know what to do to relieve the anguish he was going through.  Watching him process this in private was challenging.  I wish I had someone to talk to.  To deal with all my mixed emotions.  I felt it was important to be there for him right now.  I could sort myself out later.  He really needed stable ground to keep standing.  We had a tour to finish and a whole other country to experience before we went home and dealt with his harsh reality.  We spent most nights together as he clung to me talking about his anger and fear and uncertainties.  I held him and listened and tried to comfort him as best I could.  It was hard.  I spent many a night laying awake drowning in the wake of this shake up in our lives as he slept fitfully next to me.  On too many mornings I crept from Roger's room before dawn to make my way back to my cold unused hotel bed.  We were both tired and stressed.

I thought about Tiger Lily often.  I didn't speak to Roger about it though.  He didn't seem to want to dell on her specifically.  He was still angry at Kim and hadn't shifted any focus on who the baby is or what she might be like.  I had tried initially to argue the child may not be his to make him feel better but he seemed resigned to the fact it was true.  But he wasn't ready to talk about her.  I just supported his outrage at Kim's tardiness in telling him.  At quiet moments I found my mind imagining what she looked like, sounded like,  how big she was.  How much she might look like Roger.  I had determined she was almost six months old and wondered what a child that age is like.  Did she have any of his traits or mannerisms?  Where some inborn?  I could easily picture blond hair and blue eyes.  I recalled vaguely what Kim looked like and remembered she had blonde hair and brown eyes.  So blonde hair was a strong contender and I was hopeful for those amazing blue eyes and his heart catching smile.  Yes....definitely his smile.  I wondered when we would first see her.

I left my daydream and watched Roger lost in his own thoughts as he sat in the bus seat across from me looking out the window.  We had left Dallas Texas and were driving to Tulsa Oklahoma.  It was about six hours and we didn't have a show tonight.  This was ideal as Freddie needed a break from performing.  I glanced over and looked at Freddie reading quietly in his own seat. He has been sipping some concoction that had lemon in it the past few weeks and was nursing a cup of it now.  Deacy had a radio on and was trying to find a station that would remain tuned in as we moved north on the highway.  Peter was reading something from his briefcase as I gazed his way.