@aidenmally

Adolescence Pt.2

   The football season ended horribly and I didn't even play the last game. The game started at 7pm meaning I wouldn't have gotten home until after midnight. And the neighborhood I live in... That's the last thing you want your child doing.

   But there were two things that happened to me that really left me in my first state of actual depression. And they had to do with two girls..

   The first one was a short Mexican girl named Fernanda. Ohh.. Fernanda. I really liked her. But she was sooo heartbroken by her ex it was impossible to go out with her unless you've been talking to her for years. That sucks man, she was so goddamn stubborn. She would never stop talking about how her ex broke her heart, how she sees him wherever she goes, how she cries at night, how she puts on a bold face at school and how she's sooo hurt. But I got through to her at one point. I asked her to let me be there for her. We had a whole conversation about how I wouldn't hurt her like her ex did and if she let me be there for her I could make it better. I basically asked her out. She said yes. But the very next day we were talking about her ex, again. And I tell her that her boyfriend (me) will never hurt you. And she said, and I quote, "I dont dh." I ask her what she meant and she said she had no boyfriend. My heart sunk. It SUNK. She said yesterday she didn't mean she was saying we could go out. And she said she's not rejected me. This is the second time this happened. But yeah that ended it for me. I was depressed the next couple days and I absolutely refuse to say hi to her in the hallways. But I eventually got ever it because I can't hold grudges for long. Or so I thought.

  The next relationship was with another short girl who went to Girl's High. And at this point I'm pretty sure I have a thing for short girls. She was bisexual. Not a problem. Yet. She was a bit childish but it was cute. She had bad past relationships. As have I. She didn't get along with her mom well but I could fix that. Because at this point in life, I had my first job. I took her to the movies for our first date. That was also where I met her mom. I also bought her a necklace, gave her a little pop head figure from a TV show we both like, and I bought us pizza. I gave her my hoodie because she liked it. I came to her school everyday to hang out, I was trying to spend AS MUCH time with her as POSSIBLE. Because I really, really liked her. Like a lot. And I knew if we broke up I would NEVER EVER find another girl like her. I wrote her a song. It was supposed to drop on her Christmas. For her Christmas present. I was gonna take her to the movies every week. I told her I loved her, she told me she loved me too. I thought this was gonna be long, long term. But she was kinda depressed. Her ex kept trying to fight her, or she kept trying to fight her ex. My sister (who went to the sane school and is besties with her ex) told me she told her ex she'd get me to fight her. I don't fight girls, at all, ever. And in a conversation we had on the subway she told me that she wanted to have a three person relationship. She said she wanted to peg me. WHICH FUCKING DISGUSTS ME. She wanted to do all this sexual shit with me and girls and it was all about her sex life. And at the end, she broke up with me because she "wasn't catching feelings." She told me she loved me. I screenshotted it and everything. I was heartbroken for months and months and months. I couldn't look at her Instagram story or her feed without feeling like absolute garbage. I couldn't even hear her name or think about her without my heart disintegrating. I was absolutely depressed. I couldn't stay in a happy mood for more than half an hour it was pathetic. I was truely, truely hurt.