short stories

sunset

sunset

The sun slowly moved behind the horizon, Rhodes didn't want to stand up and leave. The best part was still yet to come. He waited for the sky to turn orange and pink. People overrated this moment, he believed that when the sky slowly turned black and when it was blue, that was the beautifulest moment. The sky grew darker like his thoughts. But not in a way where he would want to die, in a melancholic way, the happiness to be sad. He wasn't sad, no, but time and life were the main topics he wondered about. Sometimes he thanked time for bad hours to finally finish, some moments he wished he could be trapped in them. Like this one. Everyday he went to the sea next to his work and contemplated the rise or set of the sun. It never looked the same, it was always different. The reflection of the sun in the water changed too, if the water was agitated or not. He remembered every single one, it was his obsession. If he died, he would want to rest there. His soul would stay with the clouds and the waves, the mistakes he made washing and fading away. He would just remember beauty and passion no one shared with him. No one ever sat down next to him and observed every detail with him, no one exchanged the various colours with him. He felt quite lonely then, but remembered that his child was waiting for him at his home. She never understood the reason why he always left so early in the morning and sometimes so late in the evening. He was such an introverted person and never told anyone how he really felt. He sometimes wrote down but that didn't complete him. Few times he spoke to the sunshine, but he felt dumb. So he kept it all together in his mind, not knowing how to express himself. His daughter, his moonlight, always asked him so many questions, his answers never satisfied her, but he didn't really care about it. Why share something with someone who didn't want to, if it was only for the satisfaction of the curiosity of the other?
"Beautiful, isn't it?"
Rhodes jumped and saw a man sitting next to him. That was a premiere, he didn't expect that at all or he never said so.
"Yeah," he just answered.
"I've seen better," he said a bit disappointed.
"Me too," Rhodes considered. "I will remember the one that left me speechless forever. It was the fourteenth of October 2010."
"You know what? I think every single one is beautiful, there's no special one, even when it's cloudy and where you don't even really notice that the sun is going down."
Rhodes nodded, not knowing what to answer, he had preferences, he didn't have the same opinion as the man, but he didn't say it.
"You're not the person who talks a lot, are you?"
"No," Rhodes said coldly.
"I think I'm the contrary. I can speak so much. No one listens to me, I don't know who to talk to, there must be someone!"
"You could write."
"That doesn't fit me at all. I hate writing."
"Then you have no idea what you're missing," Rhodes said staring at the blue sky. The best moment was now and someone disturbed him. He was sure that the man could talk to him for hours, he had to tell him that he wasn't the type of person who listened.
"You tell me? You have no idea what to you are missing! Talking is just so relieving sometimes..." and he kept talking but Rhodes just didn't listen, he closed his ears and his mind for himself only. He could feel the cold, he liked it, winter was coming. The man must have realised that he left the chat because he tapped his shoulder.
"You still there?" The man asked.
"No, I'm not, sorry," he said too shy to say the truth.
"So I was saying," and he started again, Rhodes would freak out.
"I don't care, mister. I'm sorry but now I am leaving because you annoy me," he wished he could say. He thought about the glance the man must give. Would he be offended? He was sure he wasn't the first person leaving him alone. Would he dare to do that? Go over the limits of his timidity? He didn't, because he couldn't. He was convinced that he couldn't, so he didn't. He sat there and waited for any reason to leave. And in these moment it did, his daughter called him. Maybe she was starving because more than a hour passed since leaving the house.
"I'm sorry," he said and left the man.

I read an article about how to overcome shyness and it was really interesting. I am shy myself and I knew a bit about it but it made me want to overcome it forever now. So I'm gonna talk about it if you even care about my notes after the stories.
If you tell yourself that you are dumb and that you're ugly, your mind and brain will react. For example in an EP lesson, you have to do a special thing and you keep saying to yourself
"I can't to do it, that's too difficult for me, I'm a loser how am I supposed to do that" your brain will react and it will put you away from the danger and you will of course not be able to do it. But if you think that you can do it that you want it, your brain will think "oh you want to do it?" And he will give you the energy to accomplish it.
I don't want to call it positive thinking but it's all about how you talk to yourself. You tell your brain what you do, and he will let you do it. Think about how you talk in your thoughts and try to improve that and see the result!
I'm gonna try it too tomorrow in PE
Bérénice

PS: since I read this, I'm way more confident, really. I find my way to the love for myself. I used to hate myself so much, I did stupid things and never forgave me. Now I start to love myself, and I really do, and I want to keep that. By loving yourself, confidence will grow too. I think.