Not This Time

Nina: August 2, 1987

     It had been a few weeks since Matt had told me he'd leave me alone. After the few weeks prior to that during which he'd been harassing me, the time during which he was absent was magnificent. Jon's skepticism had slowly faded as the days passed. Now, as I crossed the stadium towards him, he was all smiles. It was adorable.
     The band joked and played around as they strolled back toward their dressing room. As I followed, trying to catch up with them, I could hear someone swearing up and down that he was going to have his own dressing room next tour. By the time the answer came, I was close enough to recognize Jon's voice.
     "There are gonna be a lot of changes made to the next tour," he declared confidently, pushing the door to their dressing room open. He looked up and smiled at me as I caught up with them, thumbing through the four handwritten setlists Jon had made for me before sound check. Jon held the door open for me and followed me into the dressing room without another word.
     I set the setlists down on Jon's vanity counter and turned to my boyfriend. I was just about to tell him to pick a setlist when he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. I gave him a wry smile and shook my head at him.
     "Last night was amazing," he whispered into my hair so that only I could hear. I looked around to make sure nobody else had heard him and then I smirked, turning back to him. It was always amazing when he and I got to spend the night together in my apartment on tour. "I can't wait until we can leave together too," he sighed, "It'll be so great when we don't have to sneak around."
     My smile fell just a little. Uh oh. He was trying to bring that up. I knew he didn't want to stay a secret forever, but it wasn't time yet to let the whole world know. Sure, there was no time-related reason for us to remain a secret now that I'd decided to stay with him, but I still didn't want to lose my job. I avoided his gaze, knowing he was waiting for an answer.
     "When?" he mumbled. I didn't know if he was asking when we would talk about it or when we would stop being a secret. Either way, I didn't really know how to answer. Things would be so much easier once tour was over. Right now there were setlists to finish. I cleared my throat and pointed to the papers on his counter.
     Jon followed the line of my finger and then raised an eyebrow at me. I gave him a pointed look. He knew it had to be done. He frowned a little. I could tell he was frustrated that I'd ignored his question. I wasn't going to talk about it now, though, no matter how much he wanted to. We had all the time in the world after show tonight, back at my apartment.
     "If you could pick one for tomorrow night, then we won't have to do this before show tomorrow," I suggested, changing the subject with a playful smirk. He didn't seem amused, but his annoyance appeared to have dulled a little.
     He looked over the setlists as he spoke. "But I like this," he insisted just to be contrary, "How else do I get to see you every day?"
     "I bring you notes after every single show," I spat in disbelief. The tone of my voice produced a grin on his face as he looked over his shoulder at me. I knew he was just messing with me, but he was such a child sometimes. There was no way for me to stop loving that about him though.
With a sigh, he picked up one of the papers and held it out to me. "You know the drill," he said, "Expect changes."
     "Expect annoyed notes," I retorted, leaning toward him with a teasing grin. He smiled too and let me peck his lips before I started walking away. "Love you," I called just before I reached for the door.
     "Love you too," Jon answered without hesitation.
     "Love you too," David echoed from another part of the room.
     "Love you, Madame Sound Tech," Richie mocked.
     "Love you," Alec joined in.
     Hand still resting on the door handle, I glanced over at Tico. He looked around the room as all eyes fell in his direction. Then he looked over at me and smirked.
     "You're a good friend, Nina," he commented, folding the collar of his shirt properly. I burst out laughing at how understated his words were in comparison to everyone else's. It didn't take long for the rest of the band to start laughing either. I was still giggling when I yanked the door open and stepped out. Tico was, indeed, a good friend.
     I took the setlist out to the tech tables and handed it off to Gunther, paying little mind to the group that was gathered around one of the barricades. It was mostly crewmen, but there were a couple ladies there as well. Gunther hurried off to make copies of the setlist as the group near the barricades chatted and giggled amongst themselves.
     I rubbed my face and then went over to the group. "Guys, we've got a show in about an hour. You need to get on it," I told them, breaking up their conversation. I pointed to the women, but looked around at my crew. "And they're not supposed to be in here yet."
     "Madame Sound Tech, this is my girlfriend and her friends!" Finn protested. There were three women there, dressed up in their Bon Jovi best. I smiled politely at them, but I wasn't very pleased to see them. They were distracting my crewmen. Finn grinned and leaned toward one of the girls. "Stacy," he began, pointing at one of the other girls, "was telling us all about a party that's going down tomorrow night."
     "Def Leppard's dropping their new album tomorrow," Stacy explained, "This lady I go to yoga with is having a party. I'm sure she'd kill to see Bon Jovi there."
     "I'm sure she would," I agreed with a sigh. I rolled my eyes a little and took a deep breath. Shaking my head, I pointed around the group. "You guys get on your jobs," I instructed, "Now. Sorry, ladies, but you'll have to wait outside with everyone else."
     "Aw, come on, Nina," Finn started to protest.
     "Don't make me get The Bozz," I threatened. That shut them up. Finn motioned to escort the ladies out as the rest of the crew started to scatter. "Hey," I called after Finn and the girls, "I bet the boys would love to go to that party."
     My statement seemed to brighten at least Stacy's face. Finn's girlfriend looked like she was just happy to see her boyfriend again. The remaining girl looked kind of like she'd been dragged out to the concert and didn't really care that much.
     "You gonna go, Madame Sound Tech?" Mikey asked me.
     I shrugged. "Depends on whether my boyfriend will be home or not," I replied. Lying came so easily now after a year of keeping my relationship with Jon a secret. Everyone still thought my boyfriend was that awesome guy from Texas that played along. Jamie. Jamie something with an M. Too much had happened since then and I'd had too little sleep to try to remember.
     Mikey nodded but then turned away to take care of the business he'd been assigned. I couldn't stop myself before I yawned. The bus was out back and I could hear that bunk calling my name. Even though I'd gotten to go home to my own bed last night, I hadn't gotten much sleep.
     The night outside was nice, if not a little chilly for August. Fans could be heard chattering excitedly around every corner of the building, but I wasn't concerned about them. I frowned slightly at the sight in front of me instead. Emma was pacing around in front of the bus door.
     "What are you doing here?" I asked as I approached.
     Emma stopped pacing, for which I was grateful. It was a poor habit that she'd picked up from Matt over the years since I'd met them. She glanced between me and the bus door in surprise and confusion.
     "I thought you were inside," she said in a puzzled tone.
     I couldn't keep the slight sarcasm out of my voice. "Not yet."
     Emma stepped out of my way so that I could unlock the bus door. She followed me onto the bus too. Clearly, she had something to talk about, but it seemed a little like she didn't want to start. She followed me back to my bunk, apparently waiting for me to get comfortable enough to acknowledge her again. I pulled the curtain back and crawled into my bunk, curling up into fetal position with my blanket balled up against my stomach.
     "Okay," I sighed, "So spill it."
     Emma leaned against the wall opposite me, trying to keep from falling into one of the bunks. She crossed her arms and looked around, peeking into other bunks to make sure that nobody else was on the bus with us. Then she looked back at me and sighed too.
      "I just wanted to chat," she began sheepishly. I raised an eyebrow at her. We both knew that wasn't true. Maybe Matt hadn't sent her to check up on me, but 'just to chat' certainly wasn't the reason for her visit. She let out a humorless chuckle. "Alright, yeah," she snickered, "I just wanted to make sure everything was good with you. Matt says you won."
     I frowned and narrowed my eyes at her. "Is he here? He said he wasn't coming back."
     "He's not here. He lent me the Triple T so I could come talk to you," she said, staring at the floor. With a slight grin, she looked up at me and added, "I really hope nobody needs to get into the storage closet where the basketballs and stuff are kept."
     I smiled a little too. "Probably not, no," I assured her.
     There was a moment of silence. I really wanted to nap, but I didn't want to fall asleep with her standing there. She looked away, around the bus, and then back at me. I blinked at her as she stared at me for a second or two. She took a deep breath. And let it out.
     "Why are you here, Emma?" I asked quietly, still gazing at her from where my head rested on my pillow. She smiled a little and shrugged.
     "I don't know," she admitted with another mirthless laugh. "I wanted to make sure you were absolutely certain that you were making the right decision," she explained, "but as I was waiting outside the bus, I was thinking to myself, 'how can following her heart not be the right decision?' Y'know? I get that. I support that one hundred percent, I just..." She trailed off and shrugged, looking away at nothing in particular again. "I worry. You're my friend and this decision changes everything for you."
     She brought her eyes back to meet mine as she finished her sentence. My forehead wrinkled in confusion as my eyebrows instinctively drew together to deliver a confused expression.
     "I mean," she began again, "Think of it like this. You looked up to Jon Bon Jovi long before you even met Matt, right?"
     "Sure," I confirmed, not really sure where she was taking her line of thought.
     She nodded. "But now that you've gone back in time and become a part of his life, who can say that the version of Jon that you looked up to as a teenager even exists anymore?" she proposed, "What if the entire reason he became that person was because of Dorothea, but now that he's chosen you, he becomes someone else? Someone teenage Nina would never look up to?"
     I had never thought of that. I'd always known that it was never just an issue of my future, but I'd never considered all the influences that go into building a person's character throughout their life. I frowned to myself. It was horrifying to think that, with me, Jon might not grow into that inspiring, philanthropic human being that he was back in my time. Just the same, there was the other side of the coin and that little hope that gleamed on it.
     "Who's to say that he wouldn't be an even better person?" I challenged, "Hell, who's to say he'd change at all? I can't imagine he would."
     There is only so much influence that people have in each others' lives. Jon was usually very confident and sure of himself. He didn't generally rely on anyone else's opinions of his decisions, including mine. That man would turn out however he wanted to turn out. I was pretty certain that neither Dorothea nor I could change that about him even if we wanted to. It was just his nature.
     "Well I guess he made his decision knowing that nothing was promised. Anything could happen, good or bad," Emma mumbled in argument with herself. She shrugged, more or less agreeing with me. She knew that I was right.
     "Emma, the life Jon had...." I stumbled on the tense for a second, "has...will have?" I snapped in epiphany and concluded, "would have had! The life Jon would have had with Dorothea was the happiest thing I could possibly imagine," I confided, "But you know what he made me realize?" Emma just shook her head. I smiled a little. "Just because I can't imagine it, doesn't mean his life with me couldn't be happier than his life with her."
     She smiled and put a hand over her heart, making a sentimental face like she might tear up.
     "Everything's going to be fine," I whispered.
     "You two are so cute," she sighed, dropping her hand. I smiled at her girlishness.
     It was going to be weird not seeing her or Matt anymore. I couldn't say I would miss Matt as much after his persistent appearances, but I would miss Emma. She took an over dramatic, shuddery breath and then giggled a little on the exhale. We smiled at each other for a second and then suddenly her face changed, like she had just realized she'd left the oven on. She stared at the wall above my bunk for a split second and then dropped her gaze to me urgently.
     "Hey, what should we tell Penny?" she asked.
     Oh, right, Penny. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't forgotten about Penny. I hadn't had a reason to think of her all tour. In fact, there were a ton of other things to think about that were very much not Penny. I could only barely remember what the last thing I'd done in my time was, let alone the last thing I'd said to her.
     "Uuuh," I groaned uncertainly. After a second, it came to me. "Tell her that I met a boy, fell in love at first sight, and that he and I ran off to start living our happily ever after together," I suggested, only half joking. "She's a hopeless romantic, she'll eat that right up. Plus," I pointed out, "it's not really a lie."
     Emma snickered a little and tilted her head in agreement. "You're right, it's not," she said, looking around, "If this is what you call happily ever after, anyway."
     "It is," I assured her, "It's mine."
     She smiled at me and nodded as she continued looking around the bus. "I'm glad that you've found it," she mumbled, sinking to rest on her ankles in front of my bunk so that we were at eye level. "But hey," she said, "if, God forbid, he ends up breaking your heart, you can still call Matt and me to come and take you home."
     It was my turn to smile. She was the sweetest. I shook my head, still smiling. My eyes were beginning to droop because I'd chatted with her way into my nap time. She nodded for added emphasis and I continued shaking my head for the same reason.
     I yawned, "You can't take me home if I'm already here, Emma."
     She didn't object. She just smiled and shook her head. Emma knew she couldn't argue with me. She whispered a soft 'goodbye' before tiptoeing away toward the bus door. I only had about five more minutes, not long enough to really nap, but it was nice to just lay there with my eyes closed, imagining what life might be like after tour was over.