Camille's Story

Chapter 1- Wolfgang

 Wolfgang. He was the first thing which I lost. I can't remember how old I was, but I had started school by then. Losing him was hard for me. He was only a dog to anybody I would tell. Not that anybody was insensitive, most people understood. But to me he was so much more. He was a he, a living thing which expressed emotion, expressed presence, expressed being. He would get angry like anybody else would. He would be happy, like anybody else would. Of course, everybody knows animals express emotions. I suppose it was losing him that made me understand moments are precious. I grew up faster than I should have. Maybe that was a good thing.

I wasn't there when we had first gotten Wolfgang. Mikayla was the only one who knew him as a puppy. Eventually, it was only mom, dad, and I in the house. Wolfgang became my dog entirely and depended on me as a child would. He was too powerful for me to walk alone, so my dad would walk with me while my mom was at her classes and everybody else was either at school or working. I held the leash during our walks. I remember times where Wolfgang would pull too hard out of excitement and knock me down. My dad would scold him needlessly, Wolfgang would instantly turn back to me, lick me, and patiently wait for me to get up and hold his leash again. He was more than a dog, he was my companion.

I know dogs may not fully have memories as we do, mom would always say that. And that they learn and remember things through simple associations. But I feel Wolfgang remembered it all. All of my childhood. All the times when Mikayla would wake up hearing dad and I playing, and Wolfgang howling in his own excitement. He must have remembered those times. Or, at least, associated me with those joyful moments.

When Wolfgang was too sick, and too old, to play or go for long walks, I was there for him. My mom and dad had been fighting for reasons which I tried to ignore, and they were too busy. But I was there for Wolfgang, and invested all my time into him. It seemed natural to do so. After all the times he was there for me, I had to be there for him. He wouldn't eat if my mom or dad had given him food. And he usually wouldn't respond positively to anybody except Mikayla and me. But Mikayla had moved out with her husband and was busy with work, so she couldn't see him so much. Wolfgang's well-being was up to me, and I devoted everything to him. He would gnarl and be unhappy at times, but I know deep down he couldn't help it and he needed me.

One day, when Wolfgang couldn't get out of his bed anymore, we took him to the vet. It was only mom, dad and I. Mikayla came as soon as she could, but she was busy with work and her daughter. Rob was working too, and Tommy was in university. But they all came as soon as they could on that day. We waited until all of us were there. Then we said goodbye to Wolfgang. He stared into me one last time. His foggy blue eyes closed forever, and he let out a deep sigh.

Forever is only an imaginary constraint.

Have you ever wished for something so terribly bad that you have it happen? I have, and it did. One night I lay in my bed, soon after Wolfgang's death. But in my dream he wasn't dead. Wolfgang pranced around me, full of life, and proudly boasting it. I was there with him. So were my mom, dad and Mikayla. He was so full of life, I could feel it. His fur felt soft and young. His howl was joyful and loud. He was alive. I woke up the next morning expecting him to be by my bed, waiting for me to wake up. He wasn't there. Confusion struck me. I knew he was alive. Somewhere, sometime, my Wolfgang was alive. And I was right. To this day I see him as he used to be. A powerful, gentle soul.

He is alive, and I see him every day.