Kiss Me

Look At Me

I don't know who keeps letting Natasha decide what we do during our free time, but this needs to end. I mean, movie night? Seriously? What are we, seven?

Not only did she decide that tonight was 'movie night', she also decided what movie we were watching. Okay, okay, to be fair, no one else had any other ideas in terms of the movie, so I suppose all is fair.

The title popped up on the screen as the movie finally started rolling.

The Grand Budapest Hotel

I looked over at Clint as Natasha, who was snuggled up on his lap on an armchair (aka, built for one person), whispered something in his ear. He chuckled. Probably some joke about when they were in Budapest (which is something they talk an awful lot about). Ugh, that's probably why this was the movie that was chosen, wasn't it?

I feel like I'm third wheeling and I'm not even close to where they are.

You see, they were almost right in front of the TV on the armchair while Thor and Banner and Stark shared the sofa. Steve and I were stuck in the back on a loveseat that was, obviously, not built to have room enough for two genetically enhanced super soldiers. Basically, we were squished together, not that either of us minded all that much.

We had turned the lights off and gotten blankets and even made popcorn bags. Honestly, if it had been just Steve and I, this would have been perfectly romantic. Well, if I'm being honest, they're not gonna look back here at us, are they?

The movie was well on its way when I noticed that Stark kept looking back at me. I knew it was just because he didn't trust me, but, still. It's been long enough, hasn't it? I would even trust me by now, and that's really saying something.

Eventually, as the movie got to be more 'interesting' as they called it (while I just called it boring), he stopped spying on me. Finally, I could put my hand on Steve's upper (and inner) thigh without the worry that Stark might turn around and catch a glimpse of his raging hard on. So, I carried on as I pleased. Steve didn't say anything or do anything in response, though, which was very unlike him.

I didn't complain, however. Sure, no reaction seemed like a bad way to go in terms of Steve but hey, I guess I like to walk on thin ice sometimes. I even threw my arm around him (and he snuggled up on me) just for the Hell of it.

More like because the movie was so God awful.

I started to feel almost restless. So much so, in fact, that I started toying with Steve from beneath the blanket, where no one could see. I undid his sweatpants and pulled them down, along with his underwear, and started grabbing him and stroking him and... honestly, the way he breathed only heavily enough for me to hear and how his thighs quivered at my slightest touch satisfied me beyond belief.

This high suddenly and unfortunately burned to ash as Stark turned around and looked me dead in the eyes as Steve and I scrambled to get my arm out from around him. Luckily, there was a blanket over us (and it was dark), otherwise, Stark almost definitely would have seen more than any of us would have liked.

From there, I replaced Steve's underwear and sweats, but secretly wished that I didn't have to. I felt his body almost radiating towards me, like he was in very real physical pain because I had stopped touching him. It was like he wanted so terribly more than anything in this world to just look at me but couldn't out of the fear that he wouldn't ever be able to muster up the ability to look away.

I wished he would, even though I knew he wouldn't. Sometimes, I feel like I'm back under Hydra's control, in a sense. It's like he was there for me like he said he would be but was incapable of actually being fully there when I wanted and needed him most.

I wish there was a way for me to really know if he cared.

~ James_BuchananBarnes ~