the henbane trials - faith seed

CHAPTER 3

7mo, 3weeks.

"Hiya John."

I've been seeing John Duncan for 3 weeks, he has really become to know who I am, which I like.

"Rachel." He nods the the seat. I sit down and adjust myself on the brown leather.

"I have good news and bad news; which first?"

I couldn't choose. I couldn't choose. What if he found Lucy? My Lucy Holly.

"Bad." I blurt. I could hear the bad news followed by good news so I can possibly cheer up. Was Lucy found dead?

He scratches his thick, dark beard with his index finger. The sound of it is scruffy; like sandpaper against skin. I wondered if his beard felt like sandpaper.

"I talked to Joseph on the phone." He says with ease, not knowing how much I was affected by it.

This was bad news.

I try to not lunge at him.

"What the fuck do you mean you talked to Joseph?" I snarl, like a beast in front of it's prey. John Duncan was a deer, I was a wolf.

I clutch the armrest on the seat to stop my hands from shaking.

"Rachel. Remember what I told you."

I wish I didn't.

It was exactly like this, with him sitting on his big comfy leather seat, drumming on his notepad with a pen, and me clutching onto the hard leather armrest as if it were the only thing holding me to earth.

I remember how his lips looked wrapping around the words: "I am going to talk to Joseph Seed."

He warned me, and I was busy daydreaming about Lucy Holly being pulled out of the ocean.

"I am going to talk to Joseph Seed about you. I wont tell him what you told me in the past week, but I will tell him about you." He had said. "You promise to not overreact?"

"I don't fucking remember." I spit. I was lying, and from the look on his perfect face told me he knew I was lying. I wasn't going to admit.

"I apologize, Rachel."

He writes something into his notepad.

I couldn't sit anymore. I stand from the seat and walk to the large window beside the bookshelf. I could feel John's eyes on my back.

"Rachel, what are you thinking about?"

I don't want to answer him because I was thinking about him getting ripped to shreds with my predator claws. He was still beautiful even dead, like Lucy would be.

I need reassurance that Lucy is okay. Even her body would reassure me, because I know she wouldn't leave me alone in this city.

She always told me she wanted to run away with me. I always connected that with eloping, but I didn't want to marry her; we're best friends.

"Do you have a crush on Lucy, Rachel?" John thinks Lucy is my way of "cooperating" with my dad moving out and being alone, but how can you explain that one day in my bathroom? My parents were still together.

"What? No!" I can't look at him right now.

"Explain why your cheeks are getting rosy when I mentioned her."

I could imagine the smug look on his face. How his eyebrow raises, and his lips are twisted into some sort of smirk that implies he knows everything about you.

I turn to him. I was right.

"Lucy was my best friend, I don't know how you can say that."

John stands from his leather spot. He puts the notepad onto the small side table.

"Rachel, you can have a crush on your friends, it's normal."

"That would make me lesbian!" I gasp. I wasn't lesbian, I didn't have lesbian thoughts.

"And there is nothing wrong with that." He puts a hand on my shoulder.

I look up to him. "Lucy hated lesbianism."

He pulls his hand back and puts them on his forehead. His free arm is crossed across his chest.

"I am starting to think that maybe Lucy was not a good influence on you." He says. "That concludes our session. I will see you next week."

I wasn't lesbian. I don't know how John Duncan could serenade into my life and say that.

But I honestly would marry the thought of Lucy Holly. I was married to her, in a way. I was married to finding her, and I was engaged to the thought of her body washing ashore.

"Rache, I don't think it's normal to think about your best friend's dead body!"

"You wouldn't understand mom!" I spit. "I can't believe John would tell you that."

"John didn't tell me, he told Joseph."

"Why did Joseph tell you, Mary?"

We were standing in the middle of our living-room, and it didn't feel like one. It felt like the place we fought, because it was.

I could see tears forming in her eyes. She looks like my grandma when she found out my grandpa had a stroke.

"H-he told me what John told him." She sobs. "Rachel, why wont you let John help you?"

She has tears running down her cheeks.

The sight of my mom crying was enough to send me to tears too. Before I know it, tears are streaming down my face.

"He is!" I say between sobs. "He helped me so much."

My mom takes me in her arms. We sob into each others shoulders.

Mom is wearing a grey knitted sweater that sucks my tears easily. Mom is kinda beautiful when she's sad; her eyes sparkle with the tears in her eyes, and her lips fall into a deep pout.

Mom only cries when she has a deep emotional connection to a thing, so that's what brings out the beauty.

"Do you promise me that you'll try to stop drawing pictures of dead Lucy? Whenever I walk into your room I have to close my eyes to avoid her."

I laugh a little.

"Lucy is beautiful."

"She is."

Lucy is beautiful with still, dead eyes. She is beautiful with light blue around her open mouth, her perfect lips chapped.

••

a/n

so i have to discuss the "lesbian" thing. just because rachel shows a little homophobic stuff, doesn't mean she is.

she just grew up with someone who had really strong opinions on everything.

that was the only way i could get that point across.