dancing in the darkest rain | under revisions!

prologue

There's something almost devasting and ironic when one mentions soulmates. That there is another half of your heart wandering around the world in search of you. The other half. The missing piece of themselves.

When I first met him, none of that occurred to me. From the moment I laid my eyes on him, he was nothing more than the thunder cloud that rained on my parade each day. I allowed myself to be so naïve about choosing him that I lost myself within. I did what I could to make him believe in something – in me. In return, he made me believe the unrealistic instead; that he was capable of putting anyone else before himself.

I thought I knew what love was from the movies and books I desired so deeply for, but I could not have been more wrong. I forced myself to let go of my standards because it's what I thought I deserved... I convinced myself he was what I deserved.

This story is not like that. The highs and lows and the constant cycle we put ourselves through were not of a fairytale I had dreamed it would be. There were times throughout the years that I had the perfect opportunity to leave him.

He was an angel, but from the beginning I knew he was about to fall and he took me down with him. Each time one of us tried to walk out the door, the door just never locked behind. It always stayed open and allowed one of us to walk back into each other's lives whenever we felt like it.

Our hearts were so lost in a reality we thought was home... but the only home we had was with each other, and even that was set on fire more times than I remember. All he wanted was for me to be somebody I couldn't. We created this fantasy in our minds of what we thought we were doing, but we proved ourselves wrong each day.

Someone once told me a while ago that if two people are meant to be together, then they are never apart. That the world made you for one person, even if you are not meant to be together at the time. That's the funny part about soulmates I suppose. We're told that we won't ever feel complete without the other half of your soul by your side.

After everything that has happened these past few years, I would rather be soulless than to ever fall in love again. There was no book that could have prepared me for falling for someone who is not who you thought they were.

I truly thought he would choose me just once. To set aside the drugs and money and fame for once and to think realistically.

As I am standing alone in this airport, I am starting to realize that I could not have been more wrong. Again, and again have I let this man take leftover pieces of the woman I used to be. He molded and chiseled my body until I became what he wanted, not what he needed.

Flight 24D to Chicago is now boarding.

Our story can't start here in this cold, forsaken airport. It begins on the banks of a river so pure, and the love that I found myself trapped under for the years to come all began when the sun first smiled at the moon.