Good Omens - Short Stories

The "F" Word

At a dining table somwhere in Soho

I said the "f" word Crowley!"

"Wh- food? Fretenizing? Flaw? F-" the demon guesses. Knowing perfectly well what his Angel means.

"Oh stop it! You know what word I mean!" Aziraphale cuts him off a bit pointy.

"No, I have no idea," Crowley smiles as he takes a sip of his red wine. "Fish? Frostbite? Fermenting?"

"No!" Aziraphale half wittily shouts. Some people look up, but aren't too bothered with the pair at the table.

"The "f" word! The word you demons use so- so willy nilly."

"Willy nil-" Crowley has to hold back laughter. Aziraphale is always so posh. Just the thought of him using the word "fuck" is quite hilarious. Not that he would easily admit that to his Angel.

"please, enlighten me with what word you used and why," Crowley steals a French fry from Aziraphales plate. He never eats the French fries so Crowley has taken it upon himself to at least eat those.

It seems to make Aziraphale happy.

"I feel like this is going to be a story for the books," Crowley adds on.

The angel shoots him a look, which Crowley answers with a smirk, "oh come on, you know you love me."

Aziraphale doesn't answer. Over the years he's learned not to always fire back at the demon. And this is precisely the kind of remark Crowley would love to get all smartypants over.

"The right answer would've been "yes"," Crowley murmurs.

"Anyway!" Aziraphale talks over him quickly, in hopes to get Crowley attention back on the topic. "that silly man Shadwell was involved."

Crowley raises an eyebrow, "excuse me? He was the one to set your shop on fire!? He- he made me think I lost you!?"

Nervously Aziraphale looks around, people do notice something going on right now.

The angel purses his lips together, but nods.

Had Crowley known that knob would, briefly, bring an end to his best friend, he'd never even considered hiring him to find the Antichrist.

Then again, Aziraphale was the one who'd sent him.

"Apparently the man saw me conversing with the- well the higher-ups," Aziraphale continues his story. Non the wiser about Crowley's growing anger.

"And thought I was a witch," the angel giggles. Crowley blinks, his anger seems to have gone the moment his Angel giggled. The sound light as the feathers of his wings.

"A witch! The idiocy," Aziraphale smiles. "I am Ethereal, he ought to know the difference. He tried to cast out a demon he thought to be inhabiting my body," Aziraphale can't hold back laughter now.

"The irony," he manages to bring out, "the-"

Upon seeing Crowley's face, the angel regains his posture and clears his throat.

"I had warned him about the portal, you how that all goes. It still being active and all that," Aziraphale takes a bite of the salmon on his plate. "I mean- he kept beckoning me backwards and- well," he sighs.

"And-?" the demon edges on.

"And he beckoned me backward right into that stupid portal."

"So basically you were being an idiot," Crowley says, trying to keep his laughter at a bare minimum. Only Aziraphale could manage such a ridiculous thing.

"Fine, I was being an idiot," Aziraphale agrees with Crowley, "but before I got discorporated I said the "f" word!"

"Yeah I still don't know what word you are talking about," the demon keeps teasing.

Aziraphale looks a tad appalled, "you want me to repeat it!"

"What gave it away?" Crowley doesn't hide his laughter.

The angel folds his arms, "I am not going to say it!"

"Oh come on, just so I can say you said it," Crowley grins. "Besides, you already said it once, and no one has smitten you so far."

Aziraphale purses his lips together, none of the higher-ups has smitten him, no. That honour goes to someone far closer.

"I said-" the angel starts.

Crowley looks at him expectantly, "Fu-" he helps.

"Fuck. There, I said it, can we move on to another topic now?"

Crowley takes another sip of his red wine, "I'm proud of you, Angel." But the only answer he gets back is a snort.

"Oh come on," Crowley looks at Aziraphale over the edge of his glass, "you know you love me."

Aziraphale takes asip of his own red wine, "yes, I know."