Dilemmas

07

He opened the door, and surprisingly, Shaun saw Zeke there sitting on Ryan's bed. He stood up.

"Have you seen Ryan?" Zeke asked, scratching his head. "He said he'll be here."

"I haven't seen him," Shaun admitted. "We all haven't seen him."

"That fucking piece of shit," he cursed under his breath, but Shaun heard it while he was walking out of the room.

He followed Zeke shortly after. Eventually, he caught up to him.

"Are you going to the party already?" Shaun asked him as they exited the dorm.

Zeke took a moment to look at his watch. "Yeah. We're five minutes late already, but it probably hasn't started."

They fast-walked towards the entrance to the newly finished building. It was very dark and scary-looking at first, but Shaun had already gotten used to it. He and Zeke entered it with no problem, and after they descended the stairs, they were inside the dimly-lit academic building.

On the ground there were white lines painted to look like the formation for a badminton court. Lights with hollow metal cones surrounding them lit the ceiling, and most of the buildings were painted blue. Shaun could make out the classrooms, since the second floors were also lit.

"Who's your pair for the slow dance?" Shaun asked, his voice echoing around the building. He cringed a little at that.

"Diana," he said as they walked towards the darkness, which would lead them to the gym.

Shaun had already heard of Diana. He could envision them dancing on the floor. "You guys would make a nice coup—" He stopped. "—pair."

Then he had a sudden moment of realization. He thought of Julie, who he ditched just because of embarrassment. What was I doing? he thought.

Zeke's voice could be heard even if they were in the darkness. "It's going to be you and Julie, right?"

His stomach began collecting butterflies. "Um, I have to go back?"

"Why?"

Shaun began stepping backwards. "Um. . .I left my phone."

Then without waiting for another reply, he ran back towards the way they came.

•

For one, it was exhausting. Shaun was left breathless as he climbed the last set of stairs that led to the third floor, where his room was. Every floor had their lights dimmed, or off even, and the halls felt like they were abandoned.

But then when he approached the room, the door was open, and the lights were on. He could hear the fan on.

Shaun pushed the door open, and he saw Ryan sitting on the bed in front of Shaun. Something was hanging beside him, and Ryan was shirtless. His eyes were looking at the floor.

"Um. . .Ryan?" Shaun said. "You know the party is already starting, right?"

He didn't reply. Ryan was clutching something Shaun couldn't really make out. Was it. . .a glass bottle?

Shaun took a step closer. "Ryan? Are—are you okay?"

Suddenly, as if on cue, Ryan began to laugh. Maniacally. He dropped his bottle, and it shattered on the floor, glass pieces forming a spiky area in front of him.

"Oh boo-boo!" he suddenly exclaimed, and began walking towards Shaun, avoiding the shards. Shaun took a step after another backward, until he was cornered by Ryan with the door behind him.

The door closed as soon as Shaun leaned in front of it. Ryan placed his hands close to Shaun's head.

"Ryan!" Shaun screamed. "Don't try to do shit with me—"

"Shh," he suddenly said, as if he was in a trance. "You're safe. Don't you worry." Shaun could taste the alcohol from Ryan's breath, which confirmed his greatest fear.

Ryan leaned closer, his lips closing in to Shaun's when he pushed him away and backed slowly towards Brandon's bed as Ryan closed on him again. Before he could do anything, Shaun slipped past him and backed towards Ryan's.

But then he remembered the shards. It was too late.

Shaun stepped on it, making him scream in pain and stumble to Ryan's bed. Ryan chuckled. "Oopsie!" Shaun lifted his heel to his lap only to see blood dripping from the wound.

What he didn't notice was that Ryan was already beside him. He tackled Shaun and their lips connected.

Shaun's eyes went wide. The first thing that hit Shaun was the smell. He smelled like alcohol, and it was so strong. Their lips pressed against each other's, forcing them to lie down on the bed. He could feel Ryan's chest gently pressing him. Energy coursed through him. Shaun felt weak, and he liked that.

He closed his eyes and savored the kiss. Ryan's warm breath brushed his face. For the first time in days, he felt. . .relaxed. His shoulders eased.

Shaun traced Ryan's chest with his hands. He feels so masculine. Being close to him seemed to comfort Shaun.

It was wonderful.

And no one could stop it.

•

After for what seemed like hours, Shaun opened his eyes.

He found himself still on Ryan's bed, still in his Hawaiian outfit, in the dark. Somehow, Ryan wasn't there and the messed-up blankets were there in his place.

Shaun turned around and squinted his eyes as he saw a bright light coming from a slit at the open door. He must have went somewhere, Shaun thought.

He sat up and cautiously got to his feet, remembering about the shards and got some random pair of slippers.

When he stepped out into the light, he looked down and saw a bandage wrapped around his right heel. Ryan did this, he thought. Then he slowly walked to where most people usually stay: the balcony.

He saw the fire exit sign even before he got there. A huge spotlight shone light to some flying insects. But Ryan wasn't there. Shaun was about to turn when he saw a ladder on the wall to his left.

"Rooftop," he muttered. Then he slowly climbed up the ladder.

Eventually, he reached the top and saw a figure sitting there on the edge of the roof, his legs swinging in the air. Ryan was still shirtless, and as soon as Shaun sat beside him, he didn't smell of alcohol.

They were silent. No one could comprehend what had happened. Even Shaun found it surprising that he was taking all of this calmly.

"I'm. . .I'm sorry," he said, still not looking at him. "That—that never happened."

Shaun smiled. "Okay."

"Don't tell anyone," he pleaded softly. "This could ruin everything."

Shaun let his legs swing in the air. "I won't. Promise."

Then they stared at the sky for a few seconds. Only then Shaun leaned towards Ryan's shoulder, and he welcomed it by wrapping his arm around Shaun's neck.

"I love you," Shaun muttered.

And he had a little feeling that Ryan smiled at that.