nightmare | lee felix

01

i was running as fast as i could, my feet quickly touching the ground, as my heartbeat sped up and my breathing increased quickly. i heard the footsteps of the person behind me, knowing with every step they took they'd become closer to me.

i felt tears sting my eyes, threatening to escape. i felt my feet starting to give up, only making me push myself harder. my breaths were shortened as my mind raced a thousand thoughts a second, barely letting me focus on the empty sidewalk in front of me.

the man behind me started running as well, shouting my name and threatening me with various sayings. i heard the cock of a gun and knew what was bound to happen.

i couldn't help myself. i screamed as i heard a gun shot, hitting straight towards my back-

i woke up crying. my heartbeat was as fast as it was in my mind, and i felt as if i was sitting in a pool of sweat.

my knees quickly went to my face, my arms wrapping around them.

"no, not again..." i silently cried to myself, praying my mom wouldn't wake up.

it felt like my emotions controlled me. it felt as if i was on a spinning hamster wheel that never stopped, even when i was overworked and overwhelmed.

"it's all a nightmare y/n, don't, don't worry." i choked on my tears, gripping my hair tightly between my fingers, almost as if i were to pull it out.

and a few minutes later, the panic stopped. just like it has every single time for the past 3 years.

you see, 3 years ago i was diagnosed with nightmare disorder. ever since then, sleep itself has been the most terrifying thing to me. i wake up from nightmares almost every time, leading to terrible anxiety attacks.

i felt my breathing slow to normal as i laid down again, hugging a pillow for comfort. i took deep breaths, trying to make myself less stressed about the awful event that had just happened.

after an hour of laying there in silence, i felt myself doze off. my eyelids became heavy until they closed fully, my mind had been cleared of my anxious thoughts, and before i knew it i fell into (hopefully) peaceful sleep.

now, there was one advantage to having my nightmare disorder.

him.

after falling asleep after every panic attack, i had a dream where he comforted me. whether we cuddled, hugged, or ate food together, he was always there for me. some people may say he's my soulmate, that someone out there in the world could be having the same dream as me, but i didn't think much of it.

i just thought of him as my little comfort zone. someone i could share my terrifying nightmares with. someone who would always be there for me when i needed it.

i found myself in a new dream with him. i looked over to see him sitting on the edge of my bed, looking down at me worriedly.

he had orange hair, freckles across his face, and the most gorgeous brown puppy eyes. he was the perfect comfort.

"are you okay?" he asked me, his voice shaking in worry.

i sat up from under my covers, wiping my teary eyes while silently shaking my head.

"oh, come here sweetheart." he started crying too, giving me a warm hug. "i hate seeing you like this. please know it's all a dream darling."

and there i felt at home. the only dream i could ever call home.