In the Eye of the Storm

Chapter 31

Dear William,

I wish I had gotten to spend more time with you while you were here. It is truly terrible that I have to leave just when you get here every year. Maybe one day it won't have to be like that anymore. I'm sorry I didn't take you out to the cabin with me but something about that just felt too personal. It feels like that is a place that isn't meant to hold other people. Almost like it is meant to be a secret between me and my ancestors. I don't know if that makes sense but I get this feeling like it's a place not meant for other people like I'm meant to be there alone.

This time I made it through my grandfather's journal. His life was a lot more difficult than my father and his siblings gave him credit for. He never truly grew accustomed to having these powers. Most of the things he wrote were about how much he missed his family and how badly he wanted to go home. He didn't like the solitude of the woods and saw it as more of a prison than a place of self-reflection and growth. It only got worse after his children left. I feel bad for him. He missed out on so many moments in life that he could have enjoyed by being bitter about something he could not control.

Promise me you will never let me do the same. I don't want to end up spiteful and sorry about the things that happened to me in life. I've spent enough time in sorrow, it's time I live. And goodness, I'm trying my best to do exactly that. I haven't been able to find it in myself to forgive my parents for their actions. I know that I should but it would take more kindness than I feel I currently have to give. Maybe it's time I move on but, I don't think I'm truly ready yet and I'm honestly not sure if I will ever be. Just because I understand their actions doesn't mean I approve of them and I don't think I ever will. I don't hate my parents for what they have done but I don't think I am able to consider them family anymore either. I think that is a balance I can live with.

Now that the irrigation system is nearly done I know I'm willing to hope for the future. Despite everything that has happened and everything that may happen in the future, I think now is the time to be hopeful. Nothing has ever felt more possible. We both have so many choices in this life that the ones we don't have are nearly meaningless. I want you to live your best life too. Take every opportunity that comes your way and soak up every bit of happiness that you possibly can.

Optimistically yours,

Caroline