#SAUVAGE03OM Epilogue
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"How could you do that to me?" Hindi makapaniwala kong tanong habang lumuluha.
When I saw the news, all the insecurities I'm trying to hide for years showed up and reminded me that I'm still not enough. Ano bang kulang sa akin? Ano bang mali? Bakit ang dali para sa kanila na i-isang tabi ako? I just want to know para maayos ko. Para hindi na kailangang umabot sa ganito.
"Love, I'm sorry." Sinubukan akong lapitan ni Phile but I stepped back so he stopped. "I'm sorry..."
"Am I not enough? Am I not worth it? What's wrong with me?" Halos bulong ko dahil wala na akong lakas kahit ang magsalita.
Hindi siya sumagot.
"Philemon, answer me." Nagpunas ako ng luha. "I loved you. Alam mo naman iyon, diba?"
"Not as much as you loved him." He whispered but I still heard it.
Natigilan ako. What?
Philemon looked at me, devastated. "Right, Starly? We're almost two years and it's been four years since he left pero hanggang ngayon hindi mo pa rin siya nakakalimutan."
"H-How could you say that..."
"I know you loved me. And I loved you, too. It's just not enough for me. Hindi ito ang gusto ko para sa atin."
I watched him pack his things, call his management and I even heard him say Ria's name before he left.
He left me here all alone.
So pathetic, Starly. The person I thought na hindi ako iiwan, niloloko pala ako. So fucking pathetic. Is it my fault? Am I the one to blame?
Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang umiyak. I'm all alone and I'm feeling shit right now dahil sa mga nangyayari. I checked my SNS accounts and I saw some supportive comments for me and negative comments against me. Sobrang sama ng loob ko na kahit simpleng 'Panget kasi si Starly, mas maganda si Ria' lang na comment, grabe na yung iyak ko.
Sunod-sunod yung notifications ko and text messages but I only texted Miari because I'm not in the mood to talk.
I busied myself reading comments habang walang tigil sa pag-iyak. It's tiring but it's the only thing to make me feel better. Para kahit paano, mabawasan yung bigat na nararamdaman ko. I still can't believe that Phile cheated on me with Ria. Ngayon ay naiisip ko na yung mga tawanan nila habang nasa dressing room kami. Niloloko na ba nila ako no'n? Gaano na ba katagal? Are they talking about me behind my back? Plano ba nila ito? I have so daming questions pero habang iniisip ang mga iyon ay mas lalo lang akong nasasaktan.
These negative comments against me should mean nothing because ever since I was a kid, madalas na akong makarinig ng mga ganito. I grew up, knowing that a lot of people doesn't like me and until now, I still don't know why. Hindi ko pa rin naiintindihan kung ano ba yung ayaw ng mga tao sa akin. I keep trying to prove myself to other people.
Nakakapagod.
STEM 12-A
LAURENTE MIKAEL C. ARDIENTE
WITH HIGHEST HONOR
"Mia! Mia!" Hinila ko si Miari tsaka tinuro ang pangalan ni Kuya Mikael. Halos tumalon-talon ako sa tuwa. I'm so proud of him!
"Wow." Iyon lang ang sinabi ni Mia pero sobrang proud pa rin talaga ako kay Kuya Mikael.
I sighed, dreamily. There's still a huge smile on my face habang iniisip siya. I saw him at the corridor earlier and grabe! My heart was literally jumping inside my chest when he smiled at me. He's so gwapo talaga. Haaay.
