transitioning // li dian x reader

chapter seven

I am quick to decide: I do not like Yuan Shao, nor am I particularly lenient towards those who utilize their family name as their sole personality trait. Does he wield a great deal of intelligence? Unmatched ability in battle? Is he incredibly, unfathomably, outstandingly attractive? No, no, and no. And because of his godforsaken namesake, the "lesser" warlords are stuck with the task of breaking down the coalition campsite. Meanwhile, that blasted Yuan Shao and his troops are already on their trek back north.

Despite the noticeable distance between us and Luoyang, the air still tastes and smells like acrid smoke. The sky reflects how much of the coalition troops are likely feeling: drab, and horribly gray. We certainly did weaken Dong Zhuo, and loosened his grasp on the Emperor and the imperial throne. However, he still roams this land alive. That was our initial goal. And we failed. Despite the complex feelings of accomplishing a feat, yet not accomplishing the desired objective, soldiers and officers alike move expeditiously to break down the camp. I guess everybody's equally excited to return home - regardless of how short that time may be before the next campaign.

I'm beginning to like Li Dian. The mundane work is a little bit more bearable, and certainly a lot easier when someone much larger and significantly stronger than you is helping with the heavy lifting. He keeps in mind that technically, I'm only working with one hand, but also acknowledges that despite my injuries I very much want to pull my own weight. He talks enough for the both of us, intuitively sensing that I'm still trying to process...far too much.

I learn a lot about Li Dian. Surprisingly, he likes to gamble, and he's fairly good at it too. He confirms that he is in fact, not a mystic, and that he truthfully does not understand his gift of intuition, or how it is always so accurate.

"It's always been like this," he tells me as he helps me disassemble the last tent in the Wei division of the camp. After this, I think, Lord Cao Cao will finally give us the order to go home. Well, not necessarily my home, not yet at least. Things are changing far too fast to keep up with them.

"-I've got a hunch it's genetic. I didn't know my father or my mother very well, but I know I didn't get my intuitive abilities from my uncle." He says this with a joking tone, but I understand that his uncle is a very sensitive topic. I'm instantly reminded of what I saw last night: Li Dian, filled with barely contained rage, accusing Zhang Liao of the death of his uncle. I'm reminded of Zhang Liao. The thought gives me a sour lump in my throat, and it hurts to swallow it down before I speak.

"I can tell you love your uncle very much." It's an obvious observation. Li Dian nods, turns his head to smile at me, and just as quick, returns to breaking down the tent.

"I really do. He was my only family. The only family I know of, at least," he confesses. The tent is in pieces now; Li Dian hands me the cloth to fold, an easier task to complete with a still recovering hand. He stands up, presumably to start moving the individual pieces of the wooden structure into the transport cart. Before he can, a small squadron of what seems to be supply troops start carrying wood off, insisting Li Dian to not trouble himself with trivial matters. Instead, Li Dian holds the other end of the large tent cloth, and begins to help me fold it.

"I wish I had my own family."

He likely means to speak under his breath, but is still loud enough to be audible. I'm sure he didn't intend for me to hear, so I give him no indication that I have.
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We've finally begun preparations to return to Lord Cao Cao's current base of operations. The sun is beginning to set, but Master Xiahou Yuan assures me that there's nothing to be concerned about regarding traveling at night.

"Nothin' that I can't shoot and solve!" He claims cheerily, clapping a hand on my shoulder as he does so. Master Xiahou Dun breezes past us, gruffly reminding "everybody simply standing around needs to move with a purpose. Lord Cao Cao has places to be, and so do the rest of you lot." He certainly doesn't need to remind me twice, and I follow the rest of the coalition troops in the direction of the stables. 

The moment the distinct smell of horse and hay hit my nose, I'm hit with a blur of ivory white and a strong gust of wind. Tens of horses follow after. The moment the dust clears I realize that those bastards took my horse and ran off with it.

"That's mine! Have you no honor? Bring me back my horse!" I shout. Alas, my words call on deaf ears, and within seconds the seedy warlord and his ragtag group of moral-less officers have disappeared into the horizon. I turn to Xiahou Yuan.

"We must give chase!"

He obviously doesn't seemed too thrilled with the idea, as he grimaces and reaches to scratch the back of his head - a tough task to do given his helmet. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but settles for giving me a pitiful half smile instead. It is apparent that he does not intend to help me. An ugly feeling rears its head in the pit of my stomach and forces its way hot and angry up the back of my throat.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N)! Your horse...!"

Li Dian is at my side in an instant. He's breathless, indicating that he ran from gods knows where to alert me.

"I'm sorry. You already know. You're not going to chase them down?"

I shake my head. Truthfully, I'm ready to cry.

Li Dian doesn't ask why.

"If you don't mind the close contact all the way back home, you're more than welcome to ride with me."

I don't really have any other option but to accept.

Li Dian's horse looks like the rest of of the soldiers' horses. He's an average looking steed, indistinguishable from the rest with the exception of a navy blue saddle and tassels from the reins indicating that the horse belongs to Wei. His weapon is already strapped to one side of the horse, positioned so the blades are not in danger of injuring the horse nor the rider. He elegantly swings himself into the saddle first and makes room for me to sit behind him. Li Dian's horse is slightly taller than my own, and I cannot ease myself onto the horse as gracefully as he did. Unfortunately, my efforts to saddle myself are all for not; the moment I have myself seated, the horse - likely unaccustomed to the increase in weight - thrashes and bucks about. Li Dian has a fierce grip on the reins, but I hadn't even had the time to grab him about the waist for stability. I fall to the dirt and hay in a sad little heap of limbs. Li Dian frantically calms his horse down before hopping off his saddle to help me out of the dirt. I gingerly pick hay out of my hair and bandages as he gently brushes a fine layer of dirt off of my skin.

"Sorry about him. He's never been so skittish," he apologizes, hands stilling at my shoulders. His grip is heavy through the gloves he wears, and feverishly warm. Unconsciously, a hand of my own reaches up to wrap around his wrist. That one instance of contact between us apparently shocks his brain back into motion; he is quick to stand and help me back onto my feet.

This time, Li Dian positions himself towards the back of he saddle, a silent invitation for me to sit in likely a safer position so I don't get thrown off again.

There's a steady hand on my waist as I mount myself for the second time, a tender touch that disappears as soon as I've settled. His horse doesn't fuss this time around.

Li Dian's strong forearms bracket my waist as he grips the reins, the steady rise and fall of his chest against my back are almost therapeutic for my turbulent thoughts.