Poetry & Songs

Relapse

I was always scared in the night. Couldn't sleep. No, too filled with self-hate, filled with fright. That one night, the stars were out but it was pitch black in my mind. Darkness surrounded me everywhere I went. I saw the light, but if I reached for it, darkness would surround my hand. I see the happiness of people, I pitied them for not knowing what was real. I knew I wasn't in the right mindset. I mean, what's the point of friends if no one helps fight it? But, after a while of fighting every time the demons come. You get so used to them coming, your mind doesn't see it as something you should fight. You know how they say you can block negativity out. Well, that's the same for positivity.

My family learns that I've been down. Their concern, their pitied faces surround, me. I know they've talked to me before asked if I'm all right. Why can't they see through my white lies? People are there, but the voices say not. My sanity is slowly rotting, here. Why can't I feel you near? I try slightly and I give signs, slightly. Piece it all together and you get a part of me. Why can't they see? My eyes go with my mind goes with my mouth. They lie, all the lies come out, except the truth hidden, beneath them. 

 Will I ever be at least 'ok' again?! That, I seriously doubt.