I'm broken

I'm on a highway to hell

New year. Same old shame. Same old reputation. Where's the point? Everything will still be the same.

It doesn't matter, how I'll dress. Or talk. Or behave. People will still hate me. And, the worst thing of all, I didn't know WHY. Why people hate me. Why I'm called a slut and nerd at the same time. I mean.... it's not even possible.

When I woke up, I didn't want to wake. I wanted, that I would never see the light again. Well, it didn't matter what I wanted. It never does. I slowly put my legs out the bed and first thing I saw, were deep, red wounds. I smiled sarcastically when I opened the closet. I didn't care what I will wear. I don't give a fuck about my life. I put on a black band t-shirt, black shorts an and tights. With Dr. martens shoes. I put powder over my pale, bruised skin. I put on make-up. Emo I thought. That's my fault. I shouldn't dress in dark colours.But, I still did. I don't really know why. It matched my mood. Day to day. I went down. I wasn't hungry. Not for 2 years now. I have to lose weight.

So, anyway with me eating or not, I walked out with sun against my skin. Ugh I hate sun..... it's just too happy-like. I looked down to my feet while I was walking. I haven't gotten my license yet. My long blonde locks of hair were blurring my view, because I was looking down and they fell over my eyes.

I arrived. That's all I can say. I wasn't excited or thrilled. Just.....depressed.

I stepped into the building, without being noticed. I actually made it? Nah, too good to be true I thought. And my mind was right-again, when I saw the school's slut walking towards me. She was in even shorter mini, that I could even imagine and a tight top. i didn't see, why people didn't pick on her. I mean, everyone knows, she does guys in the bathroom. Or their cars.....in the parking lot....in the middle of a day. However, she stood right in front of me. "well,well. Look who's trying to be sexy this year, huh fattie?" Her words ran trough me, but I didn't let them affect me. For now, gotta be strong. I raised my head. "coming from someone, whose ass is that big, is a huge surprise she can even spread her legs for the guys" her face went mad. It doesn't matter, who I am or what are my habits. I know how to hurt people, how to find their weaknesses. She just gave me a dirty look, as she obviously didn't have a comeback. Her 'friends' or the wannabe whores as I call them were right behindher. They pushed me into the wall and went after Sarah. Yep, I know Sarah sounds so innocent and all, but this Sarah isn't. I went to the classroom for biology. My way wasn't interrupted more than some comments.

"slut"

"is it even possible to get uglier than you?"

"i'm so sorry for your parents, they have to look and talk to you all the time"

"bitch"

"damn i hate you. you ruin the picture of this school"

And more and more stuff like that. Don't let it affect you. At least not nowI kept telling myself. I knew, that it would be even worse if I'd start crying. I got trough half of the day with teasing and some pushing into the wall. Ah,well pretty good I got trough I thought. I know, crazy right? Pretty good. And a few bruises. It's not that I would care. It's that I'm running out of powder. And if someone sees them....or my cuts........nothing good is going to happen to me. I looked down at my feet again and walked into the school's cafeteria. My stomach was used not to eat, but it still growled a little. I ignored it and just bought a bottle of water.I was going to sit at a little table in the corner when the school's jock came to me. His name was Jeremy and although he was quite attractive, I ignored him. When he punched me into my shoulder I turned around. "what?" I asked with annoyed voice. "nothing you slut. I just remember that I have a party tomorrow and ah that YOU aren't invited" I rolled my eyes. "and what makes your idiotic mind think, I even want to go" he laughed nervously "everyone wants to, duh" i gave him a sarcastic smile. "well. i'm different" "i can't argue with that,freak" he yelled and pushed me against a wall. He slapped me. Once. Twice. I kept my tears inside. Don't break down. Don't let it hurt you. I was trying to encourage myself, but my cheek was still all red and swollen. I looked him in his eyes. They were cold. He grabbed m neck. "Don't ever EVER talk back to me, understand?" i wasn't able to speak, so I just nodded. He let me go and I gasped for air. I quickly ran towards the girl's bathroom. I wiped away a tear that came from my eye. My cheek was burning. Aaaah fuck that hurts I thought while I was placing a wet paper over it.