Eternal (Pennywise x OC)

Chapter 11

Pennywise was gone for the next several hours. Ana assumed that he had left her to go hunt for his next meal, and she could sense him nearby, the familiar feeling a mere murmur of what in normally was. It was like a consistent, gentle buzzing in her chest rather than the incandescent awareness she was used to. She wondered if the meant he was below her in the sewers.

In her solace, she was attempting to grasp four truths, her mind racing in never-ending, chaotic circles. The first was, her family was not her family. This was probably the most painful one. She couldn't picture her life without Cassandra, who had been her rock throughout her 'childhood' after all of the loss and torment. And the idea that the children that Ana loved so dearly were nothing but strangers to her was nothing short of heart wrenching, earth shattering. Knowing that their minds had also been manipulated into believing they loved her made her feel invasive and perverse, like she was a lowly parasite. Of course, her consciousness kept recalling the fact that she had traded Ronnie and Heather's safety for her freedom, and when she felt even the smallest inkling of regret for the arrangement, she felt even worse.

Her second truth: what she could remember about her life was not real, and what she couldn't remember was. She kept replaying the images of her home dimension in her mind, unable to shake the overwhelming feeling of peace that had ran through her as she watched herself. Up until she saw herself being ripped away from the temple in a swirl of darkness, she had felt content and happy, a rare event as of late; it was so foreign to her now that it was agonizing.

Third, the Brethren of Maturin had tried to manipulate her into walking right into Pennywise's grasp just so she could be eaten. When her mind was grappling with this certainty, the hatred that ran through her was so profound, it was only lessened when she could picture their gruesome, bloody deaths. Sometimes it was by Pennywise's hands, and sometimes it was by her own, although her weapon of choice changed every time she pictured it. Had she been her usual self, her imagination would have horrified her. At one point, she pictured sitting in Dr. Ling's office, calmly discussing everything with the sadistic therapist. Her imaginary therapy session ended with him a screaming puddle on the floor, the rotting Asian woman wheezing in his face. The deafening silence in the house was briefly interrupted by her laughter.

Lastly, Pennywise was aware of the Brethren's desire to cripple his strength, and he seemed absolutely delighted with the whole thing. Ana had to admit, the monster had confidence that couldn't be shaken. She almost found herself admiring the trait, which appalled her even more. She assumed that in her natural form, picturing the violent deaths of a group of people while experiencing admiration for the Eater of the Worlds was probably not even a possibility. She and all of the creatures in her world had looked so pure, so virtuous. Ana wasn't sure if the new found humanity was giving rise to this hatred, or if it was all of the things that had been done to her. Nature versus nurture.

In the time when Pennywise was absent, Ana had mainly stayed on the couch in the sitting room, although a few times she moved around the house on her injured leg, unable to sit still any longer. When she felt the 'crazy tingle' suddenly increase, she had been hopping into the study to see if the shelves had any books on them. So many previous times, the sensation sent her into a frenzied panic. This time, she acted as though nothing was amiss, the knowledge that from now on she would always have to anticipate his presence giving her a strange sense of calm. Some of the shelves did indeed have books. Glancing at the spines, she saw that there was a random assortment of them, a mix of novels and encyclopedias along with school textbooks and How-To for Dummies.

Ana could sense that he was standing in the doorway, but she kept looking through the titles, a naive part of her hoping that if she ignored him, he'd grow bored and go away.