7 JANUARY 2020
Holy shit the New Years.
Went by a blue Christmas while you had your white Christmas with her but I hoped you were happy.
I went by New Years with whiskey neat in shots, cigarettes burning off the edge of my fingers. Still my mind wandered, how did you spend your New Years?
Nothing seemed more vivid then the foggy memory of my half sobered ass sitting at the edge of the steps waiting for the clock to strike twelve.
While the rest of my friends had the time of their lives, I waited for twenty twenty to roll by so I could wish you New Years.
I miss you dearly Carter.
Who was I trying to deceive?
I wanted to spend the new year with you, I wanted to be there to see you smile as your eyes stared into the night.
But holy shit, I will never have that privilege.
So somehow I find myself at the end of a deserted alley, sinking in my own disappointment trying to puke out the shame. I tried drowning you in the burns of the shots, I tried incinerating you along with the tobacco that heavily veiled my thoughts.
I tried every fucking means Carter but you have pushed me into the valley, hanging precariously by a thread.
Fuck twenty twenty.
You said you wanted something wholesome, I spent three quarter of twenty nineteen trying to formulate that with you but we never got the chemistry right.
Perhaps it was better to leave it the way it was.
Chapter fourteen:
It does not matter at all now,
it was me,
it was my selfishness and insensitivity,
it was my jealousy and unwillingness to comply.
I am the reason why you could never have something so raw and innocent.
Been seven fucking days Carter.
In that seven days: you shot me down, you build me up, you begged me to fuck in the walls of your embellished fraud.
YOU ARE READING
Friends with Benefits
Short StoryC A S U A L The only 6 letter word you ever destroyed for me. Down to the very bottom of my heart, you knew what we could be and you knew what my heart bore. Friends with benefits: it never worked out because we end up falling love and falling out...
