My aromantic life

Growing up

Love, what is that? And I'm not talking about the love for family or friends, I know what that is. It's the romantic love that I'm talking about. What is that? Scientifically speaking, love is just the result of a bunch of chemicals your brain gets itself high on. But that is the boring answer. What does love feel like? I've gotten that question answered in so many different ways by so many different people. So many ways of people trying to describe this "indescribable happiness" you start feeling whenever you're near your "Special someone". To me it always seemed a bit ridiculous, but I guessed that I would understand one day. Because everyone fell in love, right?

The first sign that I was different than others was in primary school, when those at my age started talking and asking about "crushes". However, I did not. I didn't have any interest in talking about crushes, nor did I have one. But everyone around me was experiencing it. So when someone asked me who my crush was, I picked a girl that I had a positive impression of, almost at random. I didn't feel any resemblance of this "indescribable happiness" but I convinced myself that she was my crush. Maybe love was just exaggerated?

Nothing came out of that fake crush I convinced myself of. I never acted on it, I just said that girl was my crush whenever my friends asked me. By the time secondary school rolled around I had more or less forgotten about the fake crush I made for myself. But when one of my friends once more asked me about my crush, I once more made up one. Although, this time it may have been a bit stronger attraction, but it was still no where near that feeling so many people had described to me. In hindsight, it was probably closer to what I've come to know as a "Squish", a kind of platonic crush where you just want to become friends with a person. But again, nothing much came out of it. I got to know the girl and she turned out to be a very bright and joyful person I talked to every now and again, but nothing more. I didn't want anything more.

Then, the equivalent of High school in Norway began. New school, new faces and new friends. This time I somehow, probably through choice of friends, more or less avoided everything about romance. Not that I cared of course, school and friends were more important. However, last year, the autumn of 2019, I came across a word that would change the way I looked at myself, how I identified myself. A word helped me place puzzle pieces together that I had no idea existed. A word that made me more confident in who I am and has given me an indescribable sense of freedom. A word that put my whole life up to that point in perspective.

What was that word?

Aromantic.

Next up: What does aromantic mean?