My aromantic life

Coming out

I sadly can't perfectly recall the exact date which I first discovered the term aromantic, and when I began using it for myself. I know it began around the time I discovered the slightly more known term, asexual around the middle of autumn 2019. By pure chance, I came across the term on reddit in a subreddit that didn't remotely have anything to do with LGBTQ+. Around the same time I also know I saw a video from a youtuber I follow were he talked about the LGBTQ+ movement and briefly mentioned asexuals. These two encounters with the term over a week, I think, made me curious and I began researching.

As I dug deeper, I started relating more and more, but I still felt that it didn't quite fit, and I didn't think I was asexual (I have since started using the term lithosexual, which is on the asexual spectrum, but that is a different story). Anyways, eventually I found the term aromantic in a comment on a forum. I did research on that and it immediately clicked. After just a week I felt confident in calling myself aromantic, but the I had to come out to my family.

Now, my family is very LGBTQ+ friendly. I even have two happily married granduncles that has the full support of my family. But still, it wasn't as easy as I would have hoped when I first came out to my family as aromantic. If it is for an initial lack of understanding or the way I approached coming out, I'm not sure. But I would still go through it again if I had to.

The first time I told someone else was to my mother and little brother. My mother was driving me to fencing and along the way I guess the topic of marriage or girlfriends/boyfriends came up. So I said something along the lines of "Well, I'm aromantic so I don't have to worry about that" They then wondered what that meant, and I gave the simple definition. My brother had question, I can't remember what, but before I managed to respond my mother said that aromantic meant that I wouldn't quote on quote "Go around chasing girls 'all' the time" Sadly I didn't have much time to respond and simply said that she misunderstood what I had said before I had to leave the car. But still, that comment hurt a bit afterwards. I had given one explanation for my orientation, my brother had asked me something about it and my mom came with her own version and explained for me. I know she hadn't heard about it back then, but still, it hurt.

This is a pattern that repeats for a while. Whenever topics regarding romance pops up during family conversation and I say something along the line of "Good thing I don't have to worry about that, since I'm aromantic" followed by misunderstanding on their part. Comments like "Don't worry, you'll find someone. [Insert Italian relative's name here] didn't get married until he became 32" "You won't stay like that forever" and the most hurtful, especially considering which person said it the most to me "That isn't a real thing"

Those comments hurt. I know perfectly well that it wasn't out of any malicious intent or a wish to hurt me, they simply didn't understand, it was a completely new term they had never heard. But still, it doesn't change the fact that those comments were said and that they did hurt. However, with time, patience and a bunch of explanations, one by one, they understood.

The second time I came out to someone as aromantic was to one of my friends. I was making an aro-meme in class and he wondered what aromantic meant. So I just said that it is someone like me who doesn't experience romantic attraction to any gender. He just shrugged and said "That makes sense" before going back to not doing schoolwork. He has also since made jokes about it, not on my expense but just jokes about being aromantic. Like one time I got a tad bit passionate when talking about a mission I was doing in a video game. My friend stopped me and simply said "Most other think about romance and stuff, while you make plans for landing fictional aliens on fictioanl moons in a video game" Which to be honest, is true. My mind is not tempted by the desires of flesh, so I can focus on planning out how to conquer a ficitonal galaxy without accendentaly murdering 10 billion aliens. You know the important stuff.

By now, everyone I want to know, knows that I'm aroace and knows what that means. Altough, my father accedentaly mentioned to my paternal grandparents that I'm aromantic. So I'll probably have to explain them what that means five times the next time they visit, which will be interesting. I was hoping that I wouldn't have to tell them for reasons other reasons that I will not go into, but you have to deal with what you have.

In the end, I'm glad things happened like they did. I'm glad I discovered the aromantic community and my place in it. I'm glad that those I care the most about knows I'm not straight, gay nor pansexual. I'm glad they know I'm a proud aroace, and that they understand what that means. I mean, who else would have bought me my aromantic ring (I'll show it next chapter). I'm happy things are the way they are. Could things have been better? Definitely, things can always be better, but I'm grateful for what I got and what came out of it. There is no use in getting caught up in what could have been, instead I want to strive for what can be.

Next part: Aro-symbolism