hey, I'm sorry i haven't been updating. its been so long. happy new year ya'll! i have just been so busy lately i stopped using wattpad in a while. but im back and i will try to make it up to you guys and update as much as i can.
{sad content}
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" i don't like you. you're annoying." (c/n) said, rather straightforwardly. when i heard those words, it echoed around me and i felt my heart break. today, i confessed my feelings for (c/n), a long time crush. my nervous smile faded into a frown. what did i just hear? maybe i'm just imagining this?
"w-what?" i asked, surprised. my throat felt so dry and i felt worn out. i can't believe it. i thought he liked me back—since i caught him staring from time to time. did my crush just tell me i'm annoying? "but why—?"
"why? are you kidding (y/n)? i don't like you. at all." he added, glaring at me as i stared at him with a sad expression. my heart shattered and i had an unexplainable pain in my chest. my mouth was agape and tears were starting to flood my eyes. i knew it wasn't right to quickly jump into conclusions. i make the same mistake every time.
"you're not my type, okay? honestly, you're always so bubbly and you keep talking about how rich you are. showing off your stuff and acting all cute. you just annoy me." he continued, staring into my eyes, clearly letting me know that he is genuinely not into me as i am into him. was i really bubbly? and was i really that annoying? all the words he said, made me snap back to reality. this isn't me. i don't even know who i am anymore. who am i? a question i'll be asking all my life.
"b-but i thought you liked rich girls..?" i asked him, but in a way wherein it seemed like i was only talking to myself. my words were barely audible, causing (c/n) to furrow his eyebrows. i heard him and his friends talk about their ideal types and i heard him say he liked rich girls. i wasted so much, and lost so much, for a guy. a guy who wouldn't even look at me the same way i look at him.
a tear slipped from my eye as i realised what i had done. i wanted him to like me so bad, i lost my true friends, my habits and i lost me.
"did you just say, i thought you liked rich girls?" he asked in disbelief as he shook his head. he clutched his bag clearly angry. "you're unbelievable (y/n)" he said turning around and getting ready to leave.
"wait! please don't leave! let me explain!" i shouted after him as he walked away, his steps echoing through the empty school halls. at this point, i was already sobbing. i wanted to tell him i was faking it, i wanted to scream and shout and say i was sorry for not being true to myself, but the truth is, i wasn't sure if i was faking it anymore. i was different, and i found it difficult to change myself again. as my long time love walked farther away from me, his footsteps blocked my hearing.
it felt as if that was the only thing i hear. my ears started hearing a ringing sound and before i could register everything i found myself on the floor, surrounded by my own tears.
this was my fault. i've had a crush on (c/n) for a long time now. i was in love with him mad, and i really wanted his attention. i pretended to be rich, and people were easy to fool. being popular was the only way i could get (c/n) to like me. so, i started doing things i couldn't do before.
all for him.
i was so desperate to have him in my arms, i did all of this.
and at this moment, as i cry on the floor, begging for him to come back, i realise that changing yourself completely for a person is the silliest thing ever. and i swore i'd never do it again. i felt like running away; the embarrassment and the anger left in my heart is slowly consuming me. i wanted to scream, run, cry and hurt; but mostly run. i wanted to get away from him. which i'm not sure why, this was my fault, but why do i feel like it's also his fault. (c/n), why must you exist?
so now, everyday, i wake up, look inside the mirror and ask,
