Now alone with the kids, Joyce has to deal with the consequences of what happened on that fateful 4th of July night. But how can she, when the only person she wants to talk with is no longer here?
A set of letters that Joyce writes to Hopper as a wa...
I had a dream about you last night. It's not an uncommon thing to happen... I mean you're the last person I think of when I wake up and the last one I think of before I go to sleep and so I guess it's normal that there hasn't been a night since it happened, that I haven't dreamt of you. But this dream was different than any other I've had during the past few weeks, maybe even ever. As opposed to the nightmares that, more often than not, make me wake up covered in sweat and with tears running down my cheeks, this dream was happy. It was the first happy dream I've had since Will first went missing and this whole mess started. And it felt so real...
I should have known that it was all a dream... that it was too good to be true. But maybe I unconsciously allowed it to keep going because I wanted it to be true...
On the Friday after the Starcourt incident, the day we would have had our long-waited date, I got dressed in my prettiest dress and waited. Back then, it all felt surreal and I guess a tiny part of me thought that maybe, just maybe, you were ok and would pick me up. So I waited outside in the front porch for a while, but 7pm came and you didn't show up... so I got in the car and drove to Enzo's, got a table for 2 and bottle of wine, and spent the rest of the night looking at the door, hoping that you'd magically walk in and that everything would be ok. But you didn't and we aren't ok but we're doing our best to get used to this new reality and, for now, I guess that's the best we can do.
In my dream, however, you did show up... you survived the explosion and you came back to us. When you walked in the restaurant and I met your blue eyes and you smiled back at me, it felt like every piece of my heart had been pieced back together and I felt whole again. I ran to you and wrapped my arms around your neck while you put yours on my waist and pulled me closer to you and it felt like home. We chatted until they needed to close the restaurant and a waitress asked us to leave and then we just walked around in the park for a while. It was cold so you put your coat on my shoulders and I remember taking your hand in mine and asking you to pinch me, wanting to make sure you were actually there and that I wasn't just going crazy as everyone said. We eventually sat on a bench and stayed there, my head nestled in the crook of your neck, in silence, just enjoying each other's company and reveling in the fact that you were safe and we were finally together, just the two of us.
Soon we were in the car, on our way home, my fingers interlocked with yours, resting on your lap, with both of us occasionally stealing glances at the other. When we arrived, you accompanied me to the door and I remember standing there, looking at your blue eyes that I love to get lost in and telling you I couldn't believe you were actually there and you were ok. You just smiled at me, cupped my face in your hand and leaned in. Even though it's been over 20 years since the last time we shared a kiss, it felt natural and familiar... it felt like coming home. And it might have been a dream but I'll never forget the feeling of your lips on mine, of your hand on my waist and I'll definitely never forget the love and adoration I saw in your eyes when we let go of one another.
I know it was all just a dream but it felt so real that when I woke up this morning I was confused. I was sure you'd be there. I looked around, trying to find you but after a while, I realized it had all been a dream, an imaginary series of events in my mind and that you hadn't come back and never would. Saying that my heart broke all over again would be an understatement. After that, I tried to go back to sleep. I thought that if I did and tried hard enough, I'd be back in the same dream, back in your arms and the emptiness I felt at every waking moment would be gone. But of course, it didn't work and I had to go to work anyway so I got up and turned the coffee machine on. It was going to be a long day and I knew it.
I spent my entire shift thinking about you. In fact, I was so distraught that even Mevald noticed and gave me the rest of the day off. As soon as as I left the store, I knew exactly what I needed: I needed to feel closer to you. So I got in the car and drove to the cabin.
I hadn't been there since I stopped by to pick some of El's clothes and broke down in the middle of the living room. It was still hard to be there but this time I think it comforted me more than it hurt. Maybe you were right. Maybe it does get a little bit easier every day.
The scent of your aftershave and cigarettes wasn't as strong as it had been the last time I was there, but I could still feel it. I found your uniform on the ground outside the cabin we're we left it soaked and as soon as I walked in, I spotted your hat exactly where I left it when I took you home after our visit to the lab. Thinking back to that day, I have no idea how I managed to (very) slowly drag you inside. I mean, you're much taller and heavier than me. Not only that, you were barely conscious, making the already difficult task even harder and if anyone had seen me trying to carry you inside, they definitely would have laughed at the comical sight.
I didn't feel as close to you as I had in my dream, and I know I never will, but being in the cabin was oddly comforting. When we were teenagers, the cabin was our safe place, the one spot where we could be alone. And maybe it was just because you were always with me, but I always felt safe there.
A while ago, I considered asking Gary to put the cabin on the market. I mean, no one's living there and we are leaving Hawkins soon so why would we keep it? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I would never be able to let go of that place. We spent so many hours alone there when we were younger... watching movies, trying to unsuccessfully cook a good meal, talking until the early hours of the morning on the porch, looking at the stars in the hammock you had installed in the woods behind the cabin, kissing until our lips were numb... I love the cabin and all the memories it brings back.
I never mentioned it to Gary... it never felt right and earlier today, as I was standing by the door before I left, I knew I'd made the right decision. Keeping the cabin is the right thing to do. Plus, just because we're leaving Hawkins, that doesn't mean we'll never come back. In fact, I know for a fact that we are going to visit from time to time. The kids made me promise we would. When I told them we'd be leaving, they weren't pleased but Jonathan and I talked to them and they eventually agreed that no matter how hard it would be to leave their friends and the only place they've ever called home behind, a fresh start would be good for all of us.
The house is officially for sale and Gary gave me the contact of a friend of his from another state who can help us find a new house that we can afford. Hopefully, it won't take too long. As you used to say, back in our teenage days, I can't wait to get out of this hell hole.
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A/N Hey guys! Hope you liked the chapter. I struggled so hard to post it in time😂 I honestly didn't think I'd post it tonight. But here it is! I really really hope you liked it. If you could send me some feedback I'd really appreciate it. Also, let's pray for Danona content tonight at the SAG awards😂 I'll be freaking out in my bed at 2 am for sure. Love you all and see you next week💛
