Random Thoughts

Some boys are dumbshits

Okay so when I get really annoyed I'll cuss in Spanish or say what very few words in Spanish that I know and my favorite phrase is "cállete tontos" and yes it's mean and yes i hate being mean but im trying to take down the emotional wall I built and and start being nicer anyway some boys in my class told me "layla you think you're so cool because you speak Spanish and say stuff and we don't know what you're saying" please I know I'm not cool anyway they also say "Layla just shut up no one cares about what you say in Spanish and it doesn't make you cool" like I'm sorry if you spoke Spanish at all then you might say the same things now I would tell him to shut up and leave me the hell alone yeah I'm trying to be nicer

Also to add on the emotional wall thing
When I was little I hated feeling weak and to me emotions seemed to be a weakness (to me they still are) and I would shove whatever I was feeling behind a "wall" it was a much better wall than what trump could make but still a wall and that caused me to have a very short temper because I'd have so much anger from before and I'd never let it go or I'd never talk about what I was or am feeling and since I had a very short temper (I still do) I'd say really mean things I didn't mean and I wouldn't apologize no matter how guilty I felt because it made me feel weak and i still have that problem but I'm writing down my feelings and I'm talking to help with my anger though I usually get a lot more upset at school because a lot of people *cough Daryl cough* keep testing me and if anyone has anyone advice on helping me to be kinder I would appreciate it ight goodbye