Love Me Like You Do (z.h. mpreg)

chapter thirty-five

"Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, where have you been, my darling young one?
I've stumbled on the side of twelve misty mountains
I've walked and I've crawled on six crooked highways
I've stepped in the middle of seven sad forests
I've been out in front of a dozen dead oceans
I've been ten thousand miles in the mouth of a graveyard
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
And it's a hard rain's a-gonna fall"

-Bob Dylan, "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall"

-

Since he had seen that familiar looking man in the shop, Niall couldn't stop thinking about him. What bothered him was that he couldn't get rid of the dark, anxious feeling that settled deep inside when he thought of him. This occupied his thoughts for days that seemed to blur into each other, and before he knew it, people were filing in his mother's house and he was standing in the living room with his brother, in a tie and a dark blazer.

Empty condolences filtered in through his head as he shook the hands of people he didn't know, and who were only there because they had to be. He supposed he wasn't much different however, as he was there because he also felt he had to be. If it weren't for his brother, he wouldn't have come. Ireland felt so foreign to him, like he was a stranger watching himself from somewhere hidden. Everything felt so strange that it made him want to leave immediately. A distinct voice shook him from his thoughts, and he nearly scared himself with a smile. Bressie was standing in front of him, hand outstretched. Niall reeled him in for a hug, and felt warm all the way through for the first time since leaving England. Niall whispered a small 'thank you' as he let go, and smiled again as Bressie met his eyes with his own. What had happened between them was in the past, and Niall was simply grateful to have a friend. Noticing the line of people behind him, Bressie moved forward to shake Greg's hand, still keeping Niall's gaze.

-

"Hiya, babes!" Zayn's muffled voice came through the phone speaker as he waved. Niall had preferred video chatting with him over a regular phone call since he had arrived in Ireland, as it was one of the few things that brought him comfort. 

"Hey," Zayn was on his lunch break at school, and Niall smiled as he looked at his husband. "If you're still having lunch, I can call after you all get home?"

Zayn shook his head 'no' definitively and poked around in his cup of pot noodle. "S'alright. How was your morning?" A loaded question, but Niall shrugged nonchalantly.

"I mean...it was..." He shrugged again and pulled his sleeves further down over his hands and then rested his chin in his palm. "Bressie showed up and asked me if I wanted to golf with him later this week, like before I come home." Niall knew that he didn't have to ask Zayn for permission to go, but he felt more comfortable at least letting his own husband know, considering Zayn hadn't really thought much of Bressie when they met.

Not knowing how to answer Niall's off the cuff response about his mother's wake, he bit the inside of his bottom lip and sent him what he hoped was a sympathetic look. However, he remembered Niall Breslin, and how his husband had kissed his cheek in reassurance after he semi-jokingly asked if Bressie was an old boyfriend.  "Oh that sounds great babe, have fun!" 

Niall let slip a half smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "To be honest, I wish I was home with you," He shook his head and let his icy blue eyes wander off in the distance. "It's not home here. But I feel like it should be?"

"Babe, just because you're born in someplace doesn't mean that it has to be your home. Just because you're born into one family doesn't mean you have to love them."