Dirty Secrets

Part 17

Afternoon sunlight seeped into the group therapy room unable to brighten the atmosphere. Lyla equated the slow pace of time in these torturous sessions to the glacial creep of each passing minute while fighting to stay awake in her monotonous Chem class.

Matthew stood at the window, squinting and slowly scratching his bristly chin whiskers as he pondered. "So you ladies have a lot to think about, don't you?" He turned and took a slow step toward Lyla. "Don't you?"

She nodded.

"Tell me about that." He gazed down at her through the bottom of his eyeglass lenses.

She sighed. "I'm in a place right now where I just don't feel like talking."

For sheer entertainment value and also to break the monotony Natalie interjected. "New kicks, Matthew?"

Since two o'clock, everyone's eyes had been on Matthew's brand new sneakers. They were so white, they practically glowed. His corduroy trousers bunched at the top of the luminous shoes the same way his wavy hair rested on his shirt collar. Lyla wondered if the matchy-matchy was intentional.

He smiled. "Thanks for noticing, Natalie."

Without missing a nail-picking beat she asked, "Those Skechers?" Her remark provoked a chorus of snickering.

"Not sure what brand. It was time to get new shoes. That I could afford."

"Heard that," Shaniece added.

He paused then pivoted back on topic. "As you find yourself returning to the familiar patterns of your life, I hope you'll look at your relationships with fresh eyes."

Dramatic pause.

"Re-evaluate those relationships."

Lyla sighed. The brief shoe conversation was such a welcome respite from the counselor's psychological deep dive.

Matthew continued, "What role do you play in the relationship?... Is it a healthy relationship?... Do you have relationships with people who are bad for you?"

AJ surprised everyone in the room when she offered, "So here's what it is with me."

Lyla couldn't begin to guess why AJ suddenly felt the need to spill. It was the first time that Lyla could recall that anyone in session had ever engaged in serious discussion. All heads turned in AJ's direction.

"This guy I like, maybe he's not good for me to be around," she said nervously. "But I get the feels when we're together if that makes sense."

Natalie was so stunned, she actually stopped picking her nails.

"Why do you have a negative feeling about your relationship?" Matthew asked.

"Not negative really. It's all good. He's the best. But we start up drinking and we end up doing dumb things."

"What kind of dumb things?"

"Just like things we shouldn't be doing."

A couple of girls in the group nodded their heads.

"So this relationship is about drinking?"

"What is that question?"

No words from Matthew, only the stare.

"Well, when I say I don't wanna drink, he doesn't wanna come around. Like he's bored. Like I'm no fun for him to be around. Like I'm less than."

"Yep," Maisie mumbled.

"So you're afraid you'll lose your connection with him if you don't drink?"

AJ shrugged.

"So it's up to you to make that decision, AJ. You need to take control."

"And end up all by myself again?"

"Maybe that's not such a bad thing."

"Yeah, it is. I mean, look at me. Surprise. I'm not the most popular girl, you know. It's hard being happy when you're me."

That hit home for Lyla. It was super true. It was really, really hard to be happy.

BANG!

Everyone in the room jumped.

A blackbird struck the window. It bounced off, glided in a circle, accelerated, and hit the window more forcefully. The pane of glass vibrated.

BANG!

"Why the hell is it doing that?" Maisie jumped out of her seat and jogged toward the door.

The bird circled again.

BANG!

Lyla was horrified, yet she couldn't take her eyes from the window.

Matthew waved his arms. "Shoo! Shoo! Go away!"

BANG!

The blackbird made a determined kamikaze maneuver. It ascended high above the building and then, like a heat-seeking missile, it streaked directly toward the glass.

BANG!

The window shook, then cracked. The bird's neck snapped. It fell onto the exterior brick windowsill, flapped its wings with a broken, spastic twitching, then toppled, spiraling down into the courtyard below.

The collision left a smear of blood on the fractured glass.

Shaniece stared at Lyla with wide, frightened eyes. She wouldn't say it but she knew what her roommate understood. The blackbird's target was Lyla.