Banana Love || Minions x Reader

🤤

this is mostly just me making fun of wattpad cliches and also just fucking around, because i can.

  I woke up early Saturday morning with a smile on my face. Today is going to be a great day, I think. I slide out of my bed but then realize I have a bunk bed so I fall face first onto my hardwood floor with a loud thump. I get up and smile. It's okay.

  I put my super long, wavy, dirty blonde hair with hot pink highlights up in a messy bun and put on some makeup. I cover my big pink lips (definitely not fillers) in a layer of gloss and cover my eyelashes with so much mascara my lashes look like spider legs. I kiss my Despicable Me poster and walk out of my room.

  In the kitchen I see my super hot brother making 'sausage' we all know it's not actually sausage;) he offers me some but I politely decline and grab a whole head of lettuce instead because I'm ✨ healthy ✨

  I take a very big bite out of my head of lettuce and cringe at the lack of flavor but continue chomping away anyways. When I ate the entire thing I went back to my room and changed out of my pajamas.

  So I might seem like a normal teenage girl, but actually I'm just a 41 year old middle aged woman who still lives with her parents and has an obsession with minions. I refuse to believe I'm a day older than 16. Anyways, I slide off my fuzzy pants covered in little minions and my yellow tank top. I look at the mirror behind me and wink at myself. Okay so I might've gotten surgery to look young and beautiful but it's okay because I'm hot as fuck.

  I slide on some black ripped skinny jeans and a different yellow tank top with a minion on it. I put on my yellow converse and my thick rimmed nerd glasses and grab my Frappuccino then start listening to "Happy" by Pharrell. I pull up Tumblr on my computer and post on my blog. Yeah, I'm stuck in 2013. So what.

  I love minions. My daughter and I loved watching the Despicable Me movies together and we got eachother so much stuff with minions on them. But then I lost custody over her and got kicked out of my own house and the only things I could keep were all the minion things because little Kelly didn't want them. What a shame. Anyways I live in my parents attic with a room covered in little yellow tic tac lookin fuckers that only say "banana" but honestly it's okay. Ever since my husband left me I became horribly depressed so now I act like a high school Tumblr girl stuck in the early 2010's.

  Anyways I was reading my super smutty Minion x Reader on Wattpad when I heard a knock at my door. My little brother John walked in. He was in his late 20's and super hot and muscular. "Um, Karina? There's someone at the door for you." he said and then walked out.

  I was confused. I never got visitors. I looked in the mirror to make sure I was still looking super hot and walked downstairs. At the door were the loves of my life, Bob, Kevin, and Stewart. My heart started racing. They looked even hotter in real life. They all looked at me with lust in their eyes.

  They winked at me even though they only had one eye, so they really just blinked at me. I started walking back to my room in the attic and motioned for them to follow me. The 3 minions followed me to my room. they looked around at my room covered in pictures of them. They all said "banana" in a seductive voice. After that I ripped off all of my clothes revealing my Barbie-like body. It looked very real. Not like I was covered in scars and stuff from all the surgeries I had.

  The 3 minions whipped out their massive dongs that actually looked like giant bananas and nothing like a penis. They shoved me onto the floor and shoved their giant banana penises into my anus all at once. I felt my asshole rip but it felt good nevertheless. I could feel the blood flowing from my asshole but it was okay, it worked as lube. The 3 minions all started thrusting into me at once, making me scream. I was in love.

  We all came in sync. It was amazing. They didn't use protection, but I didn't worry about getting pregnant, seeing as I'm too old. I already had multiple STD's, so one more couldn't hurt. They flipped me over onto my back and started sucking my very large breasts. Like, I had double D's. They weren't saggy or anything either, super smooth, shiny and perky. The minions seemed to love them.

  But, they must've sucked too hard because one popped, splattering blood and plastic everywhere. We all froze. One of them decided to pop my other tit too.

  "BRO, WHAT THE HELL? THESE COSTED $500,000 EACH!!! YOU'RE PAYING FOR THE SURGERY!!!" I shouted, obviously super pissed. The minions started shovelling bananas into my deflated tits, filling them up and making them perfect once again. They were a little lumpy but they did the job.

  I looked at the doorway of my room and saw my brother there, looking at us with a horrified expression. He saw everything. He even had some of my tiddy filler on his face. One of the minions wiped it off for him, because actually, those things were like 6 feet tall. All the humans in the Despicable Me movies were just hella tall.

  I took out my phone and took a picture of the minions standing around my brother laughing, while his traumatized expression never left his perfect face. I put a super funny caption on the picture saying "WHEN YOU WALK IN ON YOUR SISTER HAVING SEX WITH MINIONS😂 ROFL!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂 PWNED!!!!!!!" And posted it on my Facebook page, getting thousands of likes from my other middle aged single mom friends.

  My BFF Betty commented "OMG! So funny! We should TOTES hang out again! LOL! I loved eating your tight pussy last time😍! XOXO" After that, she instantly replied to her own comment saying "Oh fuck this isn't messenger 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I'm not a lesbian I swear LMFAO!! Sorry Bobby! Call me if you see this"

  I closed the door and left my brother outside of it. His expression stayed the same. Poor kid. I hope my parents are willing to pay for his therapy. Anyways, the minions wanted me to vore them. So I did. I lubed them up in lots of mayonnaise and slid them down my throat, one by one. They cuddled up in my intestines, making themselves at home. I burped loudly, patting my enlarged stomach. I wonder how long they wanted to stay?

  I curled up into my bed and fell asleep with a smile on my face. I think I was finally happy, now that I had the minions inside of me.

The end.