The Escape

Ch. 18 - Back to School and Secrets

Lucy POV

I go back to school today, but since I only have online classes, I don't actually have to go anywhere which is nice. The only unfortunate thing is that I have to be big until all of my work for the week is complete, so I'm definitely not looking forward to that.

Mom and Ma ended up giving me a second room for when i'm feeling big. I'm only required to sleep in there the night before I have to be big for school, to kind of help me get into the mindset of being back in school. Any other time I use it is simply because I feel like it. Of course I can still have my stuffed elephants with me, Moms would never take them away from me, they know how much those two mean to me.

I'm laying in bed for a little bit until Ma finally comes into my room. I'd be lying if I said I hope she wouldn't, but I know that they are going to take care of me, even when I'm big. "Come on sweet cheeks, it's time to wake up so you can start your classes," Ma said as she walked through my door. I'm going to have to tell her she can't use cutsey nicknames with me while I'm big because it makes me want to slip really bad.

"Maaaaa" I whine at her. She cocked her head a bit before asking me what was wrong. "You can't use cute nicknames when I'm big, it makes me want to slip." Realization hit her face, "I am so sorry Lucy, I'll make sure to not do it again and that your mom knows too so she doesn't accidentally do it. I smile before getting up to hug her, "Thanks Ma."

We make our way downstairs and I see that Ma made breakfast. I'm a little disappointed because Ma usually always has silly things to go along with my breakfast, like a redi-whip face on pancakes. It just sinks in that I have to be big today, which sucks.

Once we finish breakfast I see that Ma has the kitchen table set up for me to do my work. I begin working, and it's not awful, I just would so much rather be playing with Ma right now than doing it.

It's so weird to me, before I met moms, I loved the work that is involved with my degree because it does interest me. Though, I think I used it as an escape from my home, and now that I have parents who love and care for me, I'm just not as interested in it. I know they said they want me to finish school because it was something I was already doing, but I am still afraid that it is going to change our dynamic. I mean come on, who wants a 20 year old daughter who acts like a 2 year old, and the fact that I'm not biologically theirs. I need to stop thinking about this because it's just going to upset me. School was the place for me to escape from my house, where I could be safe. The irrational part of me relates school with not being safe, even though I know I'm safe with moms.

I'm about half-way done and working on my assignment for my Alcohol, Drugs, and Society class when Ma comes in to tell me lunch is ready. After lunch, I go back and finish all of my work for the week by 4pm, which means I can be little.

I decide not to slip though even though I really want to. Ma asks me if everything is okay as I make my way up to my room, my big room, not my nursery, I just nod my head yes. I make it into my room and put a chair under my door knob so no one can get in. They don't like having locks on the door for my safety, so I have to make due.

Having to be big was really hard on me today. I don't have a problem with being big, it's just I haven't had to be big in so long. For awhile there, I was big because I wanted to be, not because I had to be. A little after 5pm, I heard Mom come home. I really wanted to go and see her, but I just couldn't make myself get up. I don't understand why I was acting like this. Moms still love me, they are never going to get rid of me, but yet I am terrified that they will change their minds.

*trigger warning*
Mom knocks on my door and tells me dinner is ready. I just yell back to her that I'll be down in a minute. Before heading downstairs, I go over to my bathroom and open my cabinet and pull out my biggest secret... my blade. I haven't cut in a very long time, but it is so incredibly tempting. I put it back in it's hiding spot when I hear another knock on the door. This time it's ma.
*trigger warning over*