“I’m thinking of ways to manipulate my art professor into being attracted to me”
“So apparently my Jack sim writes fanfiction”
“I have completed the urination phase and now I must c o n s u m e
Breakfast, not urine"
WHY THE FUCK WERENT YOU AT ELF PRACTICE YOU FUCKTARD
Dean: “Accidents don’t happen accidentally”
Me: “No, they happen ‘acciDEANtally’”
Dean: *shoots me*
Breadstickdick Cucumberhatch?
“You are no match for my month of martial arts classes when I was in 5th grade”
Here’s something to increase ur sex drive
This looks like a dick that got caught in a pencil sharpener
So ur married but we have a son and I’m married and I sleep with Misha
I got my finger stuck in Shrek’s ear like a Chinese finger trap
Do not caress the sarcophagus
“We can be wet together.
That sounded wrong.”
“I saw a orange peel on the ground that someone got off in one piece I’m so proud of them”
CASSEROLE I STG IF YOU DONT EAT ILL FORCE A PIZZA IN UR FACEHOLE
What does that have to do with titties
