XV. Big girls do cry.

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F I F T E E N | BIG GIRLS DO CRY

The second they reached camp, Carter managed to slip away unnoticed and headed straight towards her so-called Paradise.

But it wasn't a Paradise anymore.

It was just a place where she could remember Charlotte. That was the place the two of them shared together, that was what made it a paradise. Now it was only Carter and the reserve became a lot more lonelier. She was lonelier.

She bit her lip and stared down at the crystal clear waters of the small lake. In the whole time she had known of this place, she had never taken advantage of the cool, clear liquid. It didn't look deep. The light green glow from the luminous plants reflected invitingly on the water and Carter gave in.

She shrugged off the jacket Bellamy had given her-- she hardly ever took it off-- she tossed her tank top over onto a mossy rock, leaving her top half in only a black sports bra. She then unlaced her boots and put them to the side, along with her socks and took the time to study the angry scar on her foot. It was an angry red and blistered, but it didn't hurt anymore, just a dull ache. With a sigh, she stood back up and shimmied out of her skinny jeans, having to hop just so she could get them off her feet. Now, she only stood in her black sports bra, silver locket and skin tight black shorts that came just above the midway mark of her thigh. It was part of her work uniform, just incase there was any work that had to be done on the outside of the Ark.

Carter slowly lowered herself into the cold water, gasping as it cooled her warm skin and closed her eyes. As soon as her feet touched the smooth stones that lay on the bed of the lake, the water was up to her collarbones and she pushed herself away from the bank of the lake and closer towards the waterfall.

And then, out of nowhere, it felt like reality smacked her straight in the face. She blinked at the empty clearing as memories of Charlotte invaded her mind and she felt her eyes well up again. Just when I thought I had no tears left...

Carter took a deep breath and ducked her head under water and crammed her mouth shut. She let the tears roll and the sobs overtake her body, all without swallowing any of the water. She only ever came up for air.

                                 ***

The air in camp seemed a lot more clearer since both Bellamy and Clarke gave their 'we're both the leaders' speech. There was no unspoken tension between the teens that agreed with Clarke and the one's that agreed with Bellamy.

He was instructing the night patrol to look out for Murphy as well as Grounders when he heard a voice call out in panic.

"Has anybody seen Carter?!"

Carter? Bellamy turned to see Finn making his way up to the patrol level where he was, Finn's eyes were wide and his eyebrows were furrowed.

"Hey Bellamy, have you seen Carter?" Finn rushed out, his eyes couldn't focus on one place as he scanned over all the faces of camp again.

"She was with you last." Bellamy replied evenly.

"I know. But... when we got back to camp she just disappeared." Finn sighed, running his hands through his hair. "You- you don't think she's tried to find Murphy, do you?"

Bellamy paused as he remembered her face back on the cliff. When Charlotte jumped, it was like Carter was going to follow her in a vain attempt of trying to save her. It actually scared Bellamy. He didn't know why, but if he lost her too he knew Murphy wouldn't stand a chance,  and not even Finn would be able to stop him.

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