The Smallest Of Them All

Records

A gasp of air was all you really needed

Like a big balloon you shot yourself around the room

A mile a minute

You couldn’t stop for anyone

Hair in a thick braid

And white cotton socks

Not even a snag could stop you from dancing

Nobody could stop a force so strong

Life flowed through your body

Moving, shaking

A happy little bean

To fall asleep would be to rob the world of your thoughts

A mind so great

So wide and vast

Valleys and plains would dry out in envy

You were a record among tapes

And I couldn’t stop playing you

Why did you stop playing?

…

I can’t stop reading

Your words slam into me like a semi going 82

My nail beds are bloody and raw

And you hid the bandages so only you could hide your wounds

You left your radio playing

Repeating, repeating, repeating

It must have been playing all day

But the doctors said your song had ended two hours ago

My hands are shaking and it’s hard to hold yours

My breath is wavering, my voice is failing

Your body is heavier than what your scale told you

Repeating, repeating, repeating

Numbers that told you lies like I had

I didn’t mean it when I said I didn’t love you

I thought my hurt was stronger than yours

Your broken heart seemed so small compared to my broken glasses

I didn’t mean to cut you with the shards

You were my favorite record

And I couldn’t stop playing you

Why did you stop playing?

…

The air in the room is stale and tastes like a stomped on cigarette

My nail beds are a mess

My once blue eyes are shot

And my leg won’t stop shaking

The mass has come and gone

Shedding tears of sorrow and self pity

You were no longer here to give them what they wanted

And I could no longer give you what I should have

Our mother has been clutching your hand the minute you were shown

Telling me it was I who caused this avalanche

Repeating, repeating, repeating

The truth I already knew

I’m sorry

This burden is heavier than the casket you’re trapped in

The distance between us is so much more than six feet

And I can’t dig you out this time

Your room was cleaned up and the door locked

But I found myself inside last night like when we were younger and you had nightmares

So I played your records

And I sang

And the words poured out of me like steady streams of tears

And I couldn’t turn the volume up loud enough

To drown out the screams from our family or from myself

You were my favorite record

And I couldn’t stop playing you

Why did you stop playing?

-

Not exactly a short story, but I thought posting this tiny poem series would be nice. 

-TaylorMarie