THE CIRCLE - H.S.

4

BAD SUN.

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I don't know what's wrong with us
They just made us this way
There's a hole in you and me
That pulls us together

And I don't know where we belong
I think we grew under a bad sun
I know we're not like everyone
You and me we grew, under a bad sun

Sunny's POV

Harry's green eyes are almost completely dilated as he gazes up at me. He occasionally releases his bottom lip from the entrapment of his teeth to moan in approval at the steady pumping of my slick hands. I continue to stroke the base while my thumb teases the sensitive head of his cock, spreading the wetness leaking there.

My mouth waters at the sight. I've never truly wanted to suck a cock as much as I do right now. The feeling of wanting to is so foreign to me. I squeeze my thighs together, desperate to be touched but knowing I'll have to wait to finish myself off later.

Well, I'll be. The Styles Effect is real.

"Sunny, baby...fuuuck." His large palm reaches up and squeezes the back of my thigh. The heat in the room has risen significantly. His chest start to rise and fall erratically; he's close and trying so hard not to cum too soon, but he desperately needs it.

Another sunny day, I met you up in the garden

You were digging plants, I dug you, beg your pardooon...

"Noooo, five more minutes!" I groan and try to get back to dream that's almost a perfect replay of yesterday. I need to hear him moan 'Sunny, baby' again...that most certainly didn't happen in real life, but dream land is pulling through!

I took a photograph of you in the herbaceous border

It broke the heart of men and flowers and girls and trees

I grab my phone with my eyes still stubbornly closed and turn off my alarm. Even in the rude awakening, I hum the rest of the verses. If I don't start my day with Belle & Sebastian, I'm grumpy and my whole routine gets thrown off.

It feels different waking up in California. I'm used to Eastern time. When I travel for work, I don't get any late-night chats with my best friend. I hope my dad remembers to feed Ray Ray and turn on his favorite lights.

He loves sunshine, so yellow lighting is his favorite. It's our favorite color and one of the few facts I know to be true about myself. My name is Sunny and my favorite color is yellow. This is the very first line written in my journal that my therapist gave me. After seven years I only have a couple of pages written. Once I think I know something, I realize it's just mimicing others to fit in, not how I really feel.

Sometimes it's like I'm a newborn baby and realistically, it takes years for people to really figure out their shit. The problem is that my entire life has been structured to serve others. People use and take what they need then pass me off to someone else.

It's all I knew until one day, I was allowed to step into the sunshine without being severely punished.

For the first time in my life, I felt hope. It was the first emotion besides emptiness and terror that I could definitively define.

Sitting up in bed, I drink the full glass of water waiting for me on the bedside bed then do five minutes of mediation breathing exercises. I go through my routine mantra of thoughts to start my day.

You are not who you were made to be.

You have choices.

You are capable of goodness.