Hellfire and Holy Water (A Good Omens Fanfiction)

Chapter Nine

"Look what they used to think dinosaurs looked like."

"Whatever."

"They're old, and educational."

"It's dumb," the ten year-old boy said boredly as he brushed his black hair out of his eyes.

His mother was quickly losing patience with him as she countered, "It's not dumb, sweetie, it's a dinosaur."

"Dumbasaur, more like," the boy joked, not really caring. He had other concerns on his mind. "Can we talk about my birthday party? Why can't we have my party in an escape room?"

His mother began to explain in annoyance, "Honey, for the last time, we've already hired a-"

"But mom!"

Crowley had long since been ignoring their conversation entirely, deep in thought as he evaluated how the Antichrist had...turned out. For all their work he turned out to be a completely normal human brat by the look of him. But Crowley couldn't shake the sneaking suspicion that he seemed too normal.

"Well, we've done everything we can," the demon said with a resigned sigh. "All we can do now is wait for his birthday. The Hell Hound will be the key. Shows up at 3:00 on Wednesday."

Aziraphale had been sitting rather contentedly on the bench beside Crowley, and now felt a trill of fear at his words. Or, rather, a bit of frustration even. He turned to him and said, affronted, "Right. You've never actually mentioned a Hell Hound before."

The demon looked slightly guilty as he glanced over at him and explained, "Oh...yeah, they're sending him a Hell Hound to pad by his side and guard him from all harm."

"Oh," was all Aziraphale said in response, frowning.

Crowley thought a little explanation might be in order, not that it would really help matters. "Biggest one they've got."

Aziraphale jumped in then, "Won't people remark on the sudden appearance of a huge black dog? His parents, for a start?"

"No one will notice anything," Crowley assured him. "It's reality, Angel. And young Warlock can do what he likes with that, whether he knows it or not. It's the start of it all. The boy's meant to name it. Umm...Stalks by Night, Throat-Ripper, something like that. But, if you and I have done our job properly, then he'll send it away unnamed."

He reflected hopefully for a moment on the memory that he had seemed to grow into more of a cat person. Maybe that would help somewhat.

"What if he does name it?" Aziraphale asked with mounting concern, pulling him back to reality.

"Then you and I have lost, he'll have all his powers, and Armageddon will be only days away."

Aziraphale looked more than a little troubled at the thought, worrying that it just might be possible after all. Mournfully, desperately, he said, "There must be some way of stopping it."

Now it merely came down to an idea that had occurred to Crowley before, but one that he had rather hoped to avoid. "If there was no boy...then the process would stop," he suggested, looking Aziraphale meaningfully in the eyes, though he realized afterwards that it wouldn't be much use with his sunglasses but he could hope that the point got across anyway.

Not that Aziraphale seemed to catch on to what he was proposing. "Yes, but there is a boy. He's over there, writing a rude word on a description of a dinosaur."

"Well, there is a boy now. That could change." Aziraphale, daft bastard that he was, seemed oblivious as ever to the offer. Crowley pursued the topic more insistently, cooing suggestively, "Something could happen to him."