The funny thing about love is, we're all looking for it, all the time. Without even meaning too- we realise that it is one of the most fundamental needs that we have to have. We seek it, try to find it, rather than letting it find us. I know you're reading this thinking, no! I am an independent female and I am proud being single etc. etc. Yeah, we know. But, come on, we're all guilty of watching all the rom coms and chick flicks and wishing it were us. The fairy tale ending, the men falling in love with you and doing everything to sweep you off your feet. But, the real struggle I have found is that, it doesn't exist.
As petrifying as it sounds, we have to fall in love with ourselves first, completely, head over heels in love with ourselves. As how is anyone else meant to love us if the foundation is not already there. I am not saying this because we should start building that in order for someone else to add to it. But imagine you have your dream house, full of sunlight, clouds and dreams, and you are building it, everyday, from the bottom up. You wan't to make it the house you will live in forever, a place to call home, where you're at peace, and you feel warm and fuzzy like you're in love. You start building that house because eventually you will live in that, and you will be so happy there. And, if someone comes along who wants to put those last little bits on your house (like maybe a few roof tiles) then that's perfect. But if we haven't got a properly built house, we would be really worried about a hurricane or tornado wouldn't we? well, that's what men/boys are when they aren't ready for you. They are going to damage your house, and ultimately, hinder its progress.
We have all had situations where a human tidal wave has come and obliterated our house we have built, and after they are gone, all is left is the outer shell, nothing inside. I mean, I am not saying it is always a mans fault, sometimes the female messes things up too. But in my case, and many others, its the opposite sex that causes the damage. It's hard to spot these earthquakes before they come though, there's no warning, no Richter scale signalling how big the blast is going to be. We are totally, blissfully unaware of whats to come. But I suppose that's the beauty of it isn't it? You never know how it is going to turn out.
So, I started writing this when I was single in my mid twenties, when I used to binge watch 'He's just not that into you' on Netflix, whilst developing a deep love for red wine. I used to sit up till all hours in the morning swiping left and right trying to find my soul-mate on a poxy app,and boy, I have some stories, so much so, I could have called this 'the dating chronicles of a hopeless 20 year old', but alas, I have not. The most important thing I have found on my journey into single adulthood, is that I really didn't love myself. I thought it was getting a manicure or treating myself to a new dress, that was really showing I loved myself- when actually, that's not it at all. Over time I have realised that is does not matter if you feed your soul all the things it desires, that new outfit, the hairdo, the nails, the drinks in the city - if you're not okay in your heart, you never know true self-love.
I now find myself sitting in my living room on the sofa, whilst taking some overdue time out, with my chubby cat beside me (the Daisy diaries will make an entrance in this novel somewhere), trying to compile all of my crazy stories into one memoir as such. Also, disclaimer, my house is not built yet, its under some re-construction, so whilst I'm building mine, I can help you with yours. We have to start somewhere for our journey into self-love, and I would love for you all to start with me.
Build your house.
