Criminal Minds One-shots

Wrong Tree: (BAU team x Female Reader)

A/N: The reader in this oneshot is a lesbian. Funny fluff insues, Implied endgame Penelope x Reader.

Being new to any team was never fun. There would always be teasing or secrets revealed we never wanted out.
However, being apart of a team thats sole purpose was to figure out your secrets sucked major balls.

You were finishing up a boxing lesson with Morgan, trying to improve your hand to hand combat training when the man asked you a question.
"Hey sweetcheeks, what if I took you out to dinner?" He offered, a signature smirk adorning his features.
You shook your head. "Sorry Morgan, no can do, I have plans." You began unwrapping your fists and headed to take a break.

Morgan sighed softly, unwrapping his own hands before heading over to Reid and Prentiss.
"I struck out, she looked totally bored when I asked her out, your guy's lunches are on me I guess." He pouts, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, if she's not into muscle boys, maybe she's into nerdy dorks, like Reid." Prentiss informs.

"Hey!" Reid gently swats Emily's arms as you walk in.

You look between the three with an arched brow before heading off to your own desk and sitting down. Being the new recruit meant paperwork was piled high for you.

Your fellow team members all looked at you before talking lowly. Eventually the skinnier man tapped your shoulder. "Hey (Y/N)?" He asks.

"Hey Doctor Reid, what's up?" You asked, barely looking up from your paperwork.

"I heard you shot down Derek, and maybe wanted to know if you were down for a cup of coffee, maybe Sunday?" He offers, a small smile on his face.

"Sorry Doctor, I'm afraid my answer stays the same, no thank you." You click your pen before signing off on another file.

Spencer furrows his brows before returning to the other two agents. "(Y/N) told me no too." He mutters before his eyes lit up. "What if she's into older men? Maybe Hotch?" He says.

"Oh god I hope atleast its not Rossi, no offence but shes like what, twenty eight?" Emily says before turning to look at you.

"Or maybe, she could be attracted to you two but she, much like you, could be trying to get her work done." A familiar voice joined their gossip group.

JJ shook her head at the trio. "Seriously, if you guys won't leave her alone she could file for work place harassment." She scolds them.

"Yeah, yeah yuck it up Jay, we just want to see the newbie relax. She seems so tense all the time, maybe a date with a cute guy will make her less, you know, nervous?" Maorgan says, questioning his own reasoning.

"Here, you guys go sit down, Im going to go get a coffee from the breakroom and then I'll set my plan into motion." Emily says.

Reid and Morgan situate themselves back at their desks. Emily goes and grabs two coffees. One black and the other (Y/CO). She returns to the desk and sets the coffee down for you.

"Hey (Y/N) lets play a quick game." She teases.

"Fine, but after I really must finish this paperwork." You rub a hand down your face, taking a sip of the coffee the girl got you.

"Alright, fuck, marry,kill: Reid, Morgan, Hotch." She smirks, watching your eyes go wide.

"Uh, none to none? As much as you three havw been bothering me I don't want to kill anyone, and Agent Hotchner is my boss." You furrowed your brows at her before standing from your seat.

"Speaking of our boss, I have these files to turn in." You scoop up your files before heading towards Hotch's office.

Emily shoots a confused look to the boys. "Okay, worst case scenario: She likes Rossi, best case scenario," Shes interrupted by JJ again.

"What if, and hear me out, you three are barking up the wrong tree? What if she just isn't attracted to guys?" The blonde informs, shaking her head at the stupidity of her team mates. "Also, seriously, leave her alone! She probably feels hazed by you guys or something!"

"Woah, yeah that IS the best scenario! How did we not think about it." Morgan says, laughing a bit.

It was by the time Hotchner called for a meeting, they realized you hadn't been back to your desk yet. The mischievous trio entered the bullpen, finding you sitting between Rossi and Penelope, or your usual seat.

The meeting went off without a hitch, and with thirty minutes before take off, Emily devised a plan. She was going to have to turn up her own flirt skills, maybe pull a couple lines from Morgan's books. She needed to gauge your reaction.

However, her plan is cut short when she hears two sets of giggles from the bullpen. She peers in, seeing you perched up on the table with a happy smile, a soft blush adorning your face.

"Oh! You should totally come do this wine tasting with me next Saturday! There will be snacks!" Garcia proudly states, twiddling her pen.

"Oh as long as the cute blonde infront of me attends I'm sure I'll go." You send her a wink and she faux gasps.

"You're a scoundrel Agent (Y/LN)." She gently swats you with her pen.

"Guilty as charged Penny, maybe you should read me my rights." You joked, holding your wrists out.

Emily stiffled a laugh, god you were a dork. She enjoyed this side of you, this loose, flirtatious girl, not the nervous newbie.

She HAD to tell Reid and Morgan.

She briskly moves over to their desks, a shit-eating grin adorning her features.

"Boys! JJ was right!"
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F. Scott Fitzgerald ​​
I love her, and that's the beginning and end of everything.