Life As We Know It (Maylor)

The Talk

Have you ever felt the level of awkward where you want to crawl into a hole, rip your skin off, and just cease to exist?

That's exactly how Roger felt as Brian sat across the table from him, two cups of tea untouched in front of them. Rogers leg bounced up and down as he sat silently. Leave it to Brian to render him speechless.

"You've been crying." He said softly, his voice sounded as if he just watched a puppy get kicked.

"I've got allergies." Roger muttered quietly, his eyes glued to the mug that sat in his hands.

"No, you don't."

"I don't."

Silence followed again. Who knew silence could be so loud? It was nearly deafening.

"I'm sorry." Brian's soft whisper broke the silence, the younger mans gaze lifted to finally meet his eyes.

"You left us."

There wasn't any venom in his voice. It was merely a heartbroken whisper as he looked at Brian. It had only been about six months since he'd last looked into those hazel eyes, but it felt like years. The anger had fizzled out after a couple months, sadness taking its place, then eventually a painful numbness had settled.

"I know." Brian replied, swallowing back the urge to cry. "I should've known better. I didn't mean what I said."

"Brian," Roger sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "You said this was all just a part you were playing. The house, Lila, me...all just a part that you played."

"I didn't mean that, Rog." Brian reached out for one of his hands only to have him pull it away. "I loved you. I still do. I was angry and confused and I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have put that on you."

"This isn't about me, Brian!" Roger snapped before taking a deep breath to calm himself. "This is about Lila. You left her. You didn't call, didn't write, didn't even send a fucking postcard!" Roger felt the anger rising again as he stared the older man down. "She wanted you, she needed you...and you weren't there. What would Matt think? Him and Clare trusted us to take care of her and you bailed. You left."

"That's not fair, Rog..." Brian bit his lip, tears stinging in his eyes. It wasn't fair, but Roger was right.

"It wasn't fair for Lila either." Roger clenched his jaw, his anger shimmering down and he let his eyes drift to the stairs. "What do you want, Brian? Why'd you come back? Why now?"

"It was a mistake ever leaving, Rog. I was going to get off the plane, I was. It took off before I could." Brian explained, willing his voice not to shake.

"And it took six months for another plane to come get you?" Roger cocked an eyebrow, obviously brushing the explanation off as an excuse.

"I was told that if I left, I'd be out of a job. I had to convince them to let me leave halfway through and Freddie called so I-"

"Freddie called?"

"I called Freddie, actually. Last night."

"That bitch didn't tell me." Roger muttered to himself, finally taking a drink of his now cold tea.

Brian watched the blond stare down at the table in deep thought before finally raising his gaze again.

"You never answered me. What do you want?" Roger had calmed down significantly, though his hands were anxiously fiddling with the tea bag string.

"I want to be a family again." Brian said, once again trying to take one of Rogers hands. The younger man pulled his hand away, shaking his head.

"So, what? You think you can just come back and everything will go back to how it was?" He scoffed. "Leave for half a year, no calls or anything, and you think that everything will go back to how it was?"

"Look, I know I hurt you and I know you're mad-"

"Mad? Mad, Brian? I'm furious! You left us! May I remind you, you left Lila! You said you'd never leave and you did!" Rogers voice rose, his hands trembling on the table. "You have no idea what it was like, Brian. You have no fucking clue, do you?"

"Roger, I-"

"No! Day after day, I've had to watch Lila look for you and call for you. She cried for you and you left. You didn't even call, Brian. You didn't do shit. You just...you just left. She already lost her parents, then she had to go and lose you too. And that? That's not okay." Roger stared him down across the table.

"I'm not expecting you to forgive me, Rog. Hell, I don't even forgive myself." Brian sighed, rubbing a hand across his jaw at the short beard he'd grown since he'd been gone. Not much time to shave, not much motivation either.

"Then why'd you come back?" Roger cocked his head to the side, his eyes burning into Brian's.

"I just want to be part of her life. I want to be what Matt wanted. I want to be what Clare wanted. I... I want to be the man that you wanted, Rog. I want to be here, with you. With Lila. Even if we aren't together, I want to be in your lives. I just wish I would've realized sooner." Brian clenched his jaw, his gaze falling to the table where he had his hands clasped together.

"How can I trust you?" Roger asked softly. "How can I trust that you won't leave again?" His voice was more firm as he desperately tried to cling onto the anger he felt, despite it fading at the other mans words.

Brian silently looked at him, tears swimming in his eyes. He tried to hold them back the best he could, but they slid down his cheek and splashed onto the table. Roger felt his heart break all over again from that look.

"I need time, Bri." Roger finally spoke, unshed tears in his own eyes. His use of Brian's nickname didn't go unnoticed, as the older man became slightly less tense. "I can't just... forget."

"I know."

They stared at each other for a moment before Roger sighed. "But Lila is yours too. Legally, at least."

Brian's entire demeanor lighted at those words. "So I can see her?"

"If you really mean what you said, if you're really not going to leave again... Then, yeah. You can see her." He looked at him, his eyebrows raised in question.

"I meant it, Rog. I meant it." Brian confirmed.

"Alright. I'll see you in the morning then." Roger stood up, making his way towards the stairs.

"What time should I be here?" Brian asked, causing the blond to stop in his tracks with a confused look.

"What do you mean? You've got your bags with you. I'm not making you go to some hotel. Sleep on the couch, Bri. I'll see you in the morning." He said, turning back around and climbing the stairs and disappearing into his bedroom, leaving the dumbfounded man to stare where he once stood.

He looked to the couch, then to the coffee table where he saw the present he'd left behind. He hadn't expected Roger to keep it after what had happened. He'd mostly expected the papers to be burned and the mug to be smashed with a hammer.

Brian smiled slightly as he got himself situated on the couch. The fact that Roger hadn't thrown him out immediately meant that he didn't absolutely hate him, even if he believed he deserved every bit of Rogers hatred. Maybe he still had a chance to fix his family. Roger said needed time, so he'd wait.

He'd wait forever, if he had to.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N:

I updated again, tf?

Thoughts on this chapter? Loved it? Hated it? Want to take a hammer and smash it like a mug? Feedback is encouraged!

Peace ✌🏻