To The Boy Who Changed Me, Thank You.

Seperation Issues.

Talking to you quickly started being my favorite thing to do. We would always text, no matter what the situation was. You made me happy. I wanted this forever. I wish I realized how toxic it would end up.

You told me more about your personal life. You let me in. You were in the military, don't know if you still are now.  You lived in New Mexico, while I was in South Carolina. You loved your family, and would, practically kill  for them. It showed.

"Would you like to video call?" You asked.
I had no idea what to say. I was falling too hard and so fast, my mind just didn't let me think. My heart was taking over and running me like a train.
"Of course. I might look, ya know, a little ugly and I'm very young." I replied.
"You're beautiful." You said.
We eventually video called. I was sweating and words wouldn't come out right.
"Omg! It's you, Jen! So nice to see your face, but in real time." He said, joyfully.
(You found out my name!)
"Ha...I-I Uh..." I stammered.
I had no words for anything that was going on. I just loved it and my mind didn't keep up with it.
"Are you okay? You look sick." You replied with a smirk.
"Uh yeah, I'm good." I say, as I start blushing.
We talked for almost 3 hours. It didn't even feel that long.
"Well, my dear, I have to go." He said as he waved goodbye. The phone beeped, hindering that the conversation was over.
I never wanted it to end. My heart was so attached.

A few days later, you told me you were going "on field military for 30 days". 30..whole days I couldn't speak to you. I couldn't do my favorite thing in the world...How was I going to survive? My heart felt a little break that day.

After the 30 days were up, we went back to talking, but this was different. He seemed, changed. He talked about his time on the field and how he dropped his phone countless times. He said "I always thought of you, my little princess." I wonder if that was true...

He seemed distant. Not a good thing. The first man I've ever liked, distant. I started developing separation issues. I didn't know how to handle myself. I was so in love.

"Sweetie, what's wrong? You haven't ate today." My mom said with a concerned face.
"Mom...It's just..I like someone and they were gone for a while and then they just come back out of no where and act like it's all okay and they are distant...I feel so separated." I replied, really fast.
"Sometimes, it happens. You can't let yourself decline over it" My mom said.
She was right. Letting myself go for a man? Shaking my head! I needed to start caring about myself and that's exactly what I did.
I had a girls day with my mom. Nails, massages and a cute new hair cut. Just the perfect thing to fix me, right?

I still felt the separation, even if we texted...It hurt more than I showed...I needed you. I got the guts to tell you how I felt, Jonathan. You left for a year after I brought it up.
(You found out his name!)
_______________________________
One year later...

I just turned 17! Finally, I'm my own woman.
You messaged me on my birthday. First time in a YEAR.
I couldn't believe it..Has it seriously been this long? How can he go without me when it took forever for me to move on?

Let me catch you up.
- I blocked him out of my head.
- Me and Emily started hanging out more.
- I have a boyfriend.

Yeah, that's right. I got a whole man now. I think? I don't know. It was one of Emily's friends that I met and we got along so well, I started dating him. Maybe it was a coping mechanism, now that I think of it.

"Happy Birthday princess! I'm sorry I've been, MIA." You said.
No words came to my mind, so no reply for you, Jonathan.
"I feel like I scared you off. If I did, I apologize. I like you a lot, Jenny." He said.
No reply.
He called me.
I answered.
"Hey. I've missed your sweet face. The past year has been so hard for me with the military you know?" He said with a grin.
No, I actually didn't know and didn't care.
"Yeah." I said.
"Don't give me attitude. So, tell me, what's new in your world? Still into me?" He replied.
I blushed. All the feelings rushed back. I wish they didn't.
Trust me, I loved (?) my current boyfriend, but Jonathan...He had a sweet, mysterious and evil way to him. I couldn't resist it.
"I guess you can say that." I said.
"Aww, how cute." He said.
I felt good. Not good that I liked another man instead of my boyfriend, no, I felt good because he seemed to like me too, I thought that at first.
_______________________________

"I know this is crazy, but I have free time now. I can drive to South Carolina. It will take 24 hours, but we can hang out." He said.
I was shaking and I was sweating. I didn't know how to process all of this.
"Yeah, I would love to." I said.
"Great! I'll leave now." He smiled.
...SAY WHAT?!!
I honestly thought he meant maybe in a week or two, but no. He's coming. Now. WHAT!?
He hung up the phone after I sent him my address. I have never done anything like this before. I was happy, I guess, but also felt icky because my boyfriend was messaging me and I've been ignoring him...for someone else.
"Hi babe."
"Babe?"
"Jen come on."
"Text me."
"Are you on the phone? Probably with Amber."
"Ok love you"
"😘😘😘😘"
All I said was.
"Love you."
LOL.
I don't know why, but I always laugh at how I responded.
Soon. We will meet, Jonathan. I can't wait to see what a real life fraud...you are.

During your trip down to South Carolina, you went to rest stops and called me. The time got shorter as you got closer.
Eventually, you were pulling up in my driveway. I wanted to look as impressive as I could.
My Outfit:
- A black dress with pink flowers
- Black sandals
Not too impressive, but oh well. It was fine for me.
I stepped outside and locked the door behind me.
He ran up to me, hugged me and spinned me around! I was scared, happy and overwhelmed.
"Jennifer, Nice to meet you." He said, while giggling.
"Haha nice to meet you too." I said while walking to his car.
He had my dream car. It was a 2018 Ford Mustang. It was grey. I am in love with mustangs, but he never knew that.
We went to a board walk. We went to a part that was hidden from the path, but could still see the river.
"So, you have a boyfriend?" He said.
I never told him...Maybe he found out? I didn't want to disappoint him and loose this...Instead, I proceeded to lie.
"No." I said.
"Good." He said with a devilish smile.
He grabbed me by my waist and pulled me closer. My head touched his lower chest. I was 5'4 and he was 5'8.
He pulled back and was holding my face. We couldn't stop staring at each other. I admired all about him, from his glasses to his tattoos, to the fact he only wore black.
He kissed me.
I didn't know how to react. Maybe I should of been concerned because I was a minor. Instead, I liked it. I didn't know how to kiss, so I didn't kiss back.
He pulled off and started kissing my neck. I felt new things that day, like how romantic it would of been if it wasn't him kissing me. Or how I am a cheater now. I wanted to stop him, but I had no reactions. My body didn't move.
He eventually stopped. My body was cold, because I liked it and felt bad for my boyfriend.
"Uh, look at your neck, haa.." He said nervously.
I took out my phone and turned the camera on. A hickey. A HICKEY!? I haven't had one in so long. My mom's gonna kill me.
"Oh my god." I said.
He smiled and gave that evil look again.

Listen, to this day I knew I shouldn't have seen him at all and I did because I had no advice or experience, except for Amber telling me to go for it.

He dropped me off at my house and gave me a kiss on my head.
"I'll be here tomorrow." He said while driving off.
I went inside and rushed to my room. My mom wasn't home, hallelujah!
I laid in bed and started to cry...Jonathan, you knew how young I was. How new I was to this. I broke up with my boyfriend that same night. (We are still friends to this day)

I laid in bed. No dinner. I turned my phone off. I felt like the worst person in the world. Jonathan...I was so dependent on you. My separation issues came back. This wasn't right and you knew it.