space | YUWIN

25 | YOU

"okay, well... have a good trip, you guys! let me know how it is! i'm going to go now, someone is at the door," the purple haired boy said through the phone to his friends who were currently at the bus stop for their trip. he decided to end the call after hearing a knock at his door.

"bye," the seven boys on the other side of the video call said before waving to their friend, who returned their gesture before ending the call. the japanese boy sighed before putting his phone down and answering the door for the person who was knocking.

"finally. dejun can i bor- oh, yuta hyung..." the boy on the other side of the door said after seeing who had opened the door instead.

it had been about a month and a half since sicheng and yuta had last talked to each other. that was the time when the japanese told the younger that he had given up, and since that day, the two haven't exchanged a single word.

this time, yuta was the one who moved out of their shared dorm room. he asked dejun and taeil to take him in for a little bit until he feels ready enough to go back in. it's been about a month since then, and the purple haired boy still had no plans of moving back in anytime soon.

the japanese boy still worked at the library, and of course, sicheng still went there, but the two never shared a single word, not even when sicheng was checking out a book. the light brown haired boy even stopped coming during closing time to return his books and returned them earlier in the day.

yuta had subconsciously closed the library a little later than usual, waiting to see if sicheng would end up running to the doors to return a book. after waiting for ten minutes, the purple haired male then decided to close up and leave, the younger still not rushing up to the doors to stop him so he could return his books. yuta would be lying if he said that he didn't miss sicheng returning his books late.

"um... dejun is out right now, but he'll be back soon. you can come inside and wait..." the japanese student allowed for the younger to come in, opening the door wider for the other to enter.

"okay, thanks," the chinese boy showed a small smile towards the purple haired boy while walking inside.

awkward silence filled the air as both boys sat on opposite sides of the room: yuta on his floor bed and sicheng on dejun's bed. they looked at anything and everything inside the room, except for each other. occasionally, their eyes would roll over the other, but it didn't stay long enough for them to call it a stare; it was more of a glance.

not being able to take it anymore, sicheng decided to be the first to break the silence.

"so... uh... how have you been this past month?" he managed to ask despite the tense ambiance. upon hearing the younger's voice, yuta looked over to where the chinese was sitting and bit the inside of his cheek before answering.

"i've been okay. sat's are coming up and we've been busy preparing for that," yuta explained to the light brown haired male, to which the other nodded. "you?"

"it's been good, for the most part. the weekly korean exams are starting to come to an end and we pretty much only have final exams left for this year," sicheng said, this time the latter nodding.

silence filled the room once again as both boys just spent time to recollect their thoughts. as this was occurring, the weather outside had turned dark since clouds were filling the sky, signaling that it would rain later.

"um... i don't know if you're wondering or if you even care, but i still have the keychain you gave me..."

the purple haired boy looked at the younger who was sitting on dejun's bed and gave him a small smile. "i saw it on your backpack the other day at the library," he commented. "i still have mine, too."

the chinese boy nodded his head, showing he understood, leading into the silence that swallowed the room once again. the two boys kept stealing glances at each other, wondering if they should be the one to bring it up or if they should wait. eventually, after about five minutes of nothing except the clock on the wall ticking, yuta decided to go for it.

"what if... i never actually liked you... and only pretended to like you to see how you'd react?"

when hearing the question, the light brown haired male lifted his head from its previous position and looked at yuta. "you wouldn't do that. i know who you are and you're not that type of person."

yuta let out a small chuckle. "but i don't know who you are anymore."

that statement hit sicheng like a truck. yes, it did hurt, but the older was right. sicheng himself had no idea what happened to him. when did he ignore people because he needed space? when did he start to insult people to give himself a reason to be right? when did he start to be mean just to spite people?? when did he become a hypocrite?

the chinese boy admitted it to himself: he isn't himself anymore, and he knew it. the sicheng everyone knew wouldn't hurt someone on purpose. the sicheng everyone knew wouldn't insult someone just to give himself a reason for something. the sicheng everyone knew wouldn't be spiteful to anyone. the sicheng everyone knew would never, ever, hurt the ones most dearest to him.

however, despite all this, the sicheng everyone knew would realize his mistakes and attempt to fix them, even though it was a year later and he needed inspiration for it.

yuta was well aware that sicheng was trying to be the one to fix things, and don't get him wrong, the japanese was glad for that, proud, even. but he had been hurt so much by the one he trusted the most, and he didn't know if he was willing to trust the other again yet. however, yuta knew that he wouldn't be able to continue like this forever.

"i'm sorry. i really, genuinely, am sorry, and i want you to know that," sicheng said.

"i knew you were. i knew that your apology was sincere. but i'm not sure if i'm ready to trust you again. i've cried enough tears over this, and i don't want to cry anymore, and though i have a strong urge to end our friendship due to all the scars in it...

the only reason i'm resisting is because it's you."