Bittersweet - Lookism Fanfic

(True) III

Three years. It's been three years since I've updated and for that, I am incredibly sorry! Life got in the way, and inspiration was fleeting. I want to think that my writing style has changed for the better over these last three years, so I hope that those years were worth the wait! To add, original plans have altered a little bit, so if you were a reader when Jaehye had initially been a character in this story, she is no longer a part of it.

For those who supported me in the past, thank you! For those who are still supporting me, you're wonderful! And for those who are new, I hope I don't disappoint you!

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"Achoo!"

Everyone averted their gaze, some less inconspicuous than others. However, their mouths continued to seep acid behind their hands.

Hyungseok sighed exhaustedly, burrowing his face deeper into the folds of the scarf his mother made him. How he wished his mother was here now to comfort him. By now, it was soaked with sweat, and the trapped heat in it suffocated him, but he had no choice. Hyungseok had attempted all other alternatives: hoodies, buttoned-up collars, band-aids, and, in distress, make-up, which was an utter disaster. All options failed to conceal his . . .

Unconsciously, he rubbed the skin his accessory protected. He traced his finger along his jaw where the raw effects of the night before remained. Heat still lingered from them. He felt steam puff out of him as his cheeks flared a bright scarlet. Every small detail came back to him all at once. He desperately tried to drift his thoughts elsewhere but the effort was in vain. Groaning, Hyungseok covered his face in his hands in embarrassment, attempting to hide the blooming crimson, but it was too brilliant to veil.

Unfortunately, the act only served to have even more suspicious glances cast in his direction. A mild buzz resonated throughout the room as gossip spread like a plague. Each syllable was a stab at Hyungseok's sanity. Can't they just shut up? He wanted to clamp his hands over his ears, shut his eyes, and just pretend he wasn't even here; to be in his own, insignificant world and be forgotten. Anxiety churned within him as the whispering voices seem to get louder. Millions of whispering voices with false tongues. Yet, he had little worry about what they would say about him. He was worried about someone else.

Jaeyeol. Hyungseok cursed himself. What did I do?

He felt ashamed of himself and what he had done. What kind of person is stupid enough to do what he did? And then there was the question that hung on a string in between them.

Do you really love me?

Stressed, he ran his hand through his hair and heaved a weary sigh. He had said that the alcohol had only emphasized his feelings for him, but was it really true? It could have been the drunkness answering for him. He had never really experienced an emotion as strong as what he had felt in those moments. He could have been fooling himself since he had little knowledge of what love really felt like, but they were too sure to be faux. Why did Jaeyeol ask that question anyway? Did he feel that way towards him? But if the possibility was proved true, what happens after? How would society react to two boys having something more than simple friendship? Wasn't that wrong? Would they be even able to live? There were enough homophobic gangs who could take care of them swiftly . . .

Hyungseok cried out in frustration as he threw his head onto his desk and concealed himself in his scarf. He closed his eyes tightly, wanting nothing more but to die. All of these thoughts swirling in his mind made Hyungseok's head pound almost as brutally as the concoction had. You're such an idiot, he chided himself. Jaeyeol deserves better.