Axel

Chapter 27

Staring at the white ceiling is like staring at an empty page in a notebook but instead of using a pen to write down, you use your thoughts.

New years has come and pass, same with the exams. It's the 27 of January today and uni was starting again tomorrow.

I feel guilty saying that I have avoided Axel to the best of my ability. He texted me numerous times, sometimes telling me that he doesn't regret at all what he told me that afternoon, others to tell me that I can't ignore him forever others that I have to grow a pair and face reality. Turns out he remember telling me that he's falling, falling in love that night and perhaps he heard what I have said as well.

I texted him back only for the grow some balls one telling him that, that's physically impossible for me to do before ignoring him again.

Trust me I know I'm acting childish right now and I know I'll have to face him sooner or later. I prefer later though.

A conversation I had with my mum on new years day also clouds my thoughts. My mum wasn't an idiot she realized that something change between me and Carter. I was afraid at the beginning to talk with her about it. I didn't want to make Carter be a bad guy cause he really wasn't. Thankfully I didn't really need to do any of the talking, she did.

                                       *flashback*

"You're not beaming with happiness when you're around him anymore. Your eyes aren't smiling. You're not giving each other those small affectionate touches, neither heart eyes when you stare at him as you kids say nowadays. I'm not blind honey and neither is your dad. If he doesn't make you happy anymore then let him go and move on. You can't keep holding on to something that doesn't have a handle to grip, " my mum looks at me holding my hand as we both lay on my bed.

"I don't know what to do mum. I love him and I don't want to hurt him but..." I turn my gaze towards the view of our back garden that can be seen out of my window.

"This just shows how kind of a heart you have honey but, don't you think that stringing him along to a one-sided relationship is going to hurt him more in the end, " she brushes her fingers in my hair, a calming method she uses since I was a kid.

I remain silent. I don't know what to say. I don't know if it is a one-sided relationship. I don't know who to listen to, everyone tells me to do differently. Our mutual friends tell me that we're meant to be being there for us even before we started dating. Maya tells me to break up with him so is my mum and Axel, I guess. Nadia thinks that I and Carter could work things out and I, I don't know, my head is in shambles.

"It's not only him that you're hurting, but you're also hurting yourself. You're forcing yourself to be in love with someone that you don't want anymore. I'm not going to push you to tell me why, what happened or what change your feelings towards him. I'm going to urge you though to make a decision soon before you lose everything, " I turn and look at her with a frown on.

"I'm not forcing myself to be in love with him," I say defencly.

What does she mean by that?

I guess my mum read my face because she smiles softly at me.

"He's not going to wait forever for you to make the right decision. You're young and there are plenty more girls out there. Single girls, " my eyes widen.

How on earth does she know about Axel? I never spoke to her about him! Except well once before, but even then it was just about him being my new friend.

"What makes you think there is someone else in the picture?" I ask her.

"Cause I never saw you take an almost two-hour drive and on Christmas day might I add to go and spent some time with a friend you see every week for just a couple of hours. Plus I know that the friend you visited wasn't Maya nor Nadia, " she winks at me and laughs at my mortified face.

"Oh, mum I don't know what I'm feeling for him, but I feel guilty, " I shake my head.

"Honey, you can't help it. It's not you're fault that you're potentially falling in love with him, just like is not your fault if you fall out of love with someone. It takes two to mingle, " she laughs and gently brings me into her warm embrace.

"Whoever you choose to be with both me and your dad will support you, the only thing we want is for that person to treat you right and love you unconditionally, " she places a small kiss on my head.

"We love you, honey"

"I love you too, mum, " I close my eyes savouring her warmth.

                                  *flashback ends*

I groan and rub my eyes out of frustration. What am I supposed to do? Am I indeed falling out of love with Carter? Am I falling in love with Axel? Or is it just desire for him? I don't know Axel anywhere near as much as I know Carter! Am I still in love with Carter?

No, I don't think I am anymore. I still love him very much but am in love with him, yeah I'm not so sure about that anymore. That's the only answer I have alongside the one that I feel something for Axel.

I'm just not sure what it is exactly yet.

I don't even realize when Carter walked in and lay down next to me on the bed we have been sharing for the past 7 months now. Wow!

"What are you thinking?" He asks me.

He lays like me, on his back looking at the ceiling as if he's trying to read what I wrote.

"Us, " I answer honestly.

I don't want to keep on lying to him but it's hard not to when the truth is going to hurt.

"We're not doing great are we?" He chuckles and I do too.

"No, we're not, " I say turning towards him as he does the same.

Reminds me of when I and Axel were staring at one another like this in the guestroom.

"We have been fighting for a while lately, " he says.

"Yeah we have, and it's not healthy, " I say.

"I know, but that doesn't mean that I don't care about you, and I want to try as much as I can to fix our relationship. I want to fight for us, " he says making my eyes water a bit.

"It would be a shame if I let you go that easily, " he chuckles making me feel a bit better.

"Yeah, it would be, " I lean forward and kiss him.

This is one of the purest kisses we've shared. It's full of emotion and promises.

"We'll fight for us," I say.

Just this one last time...

After this, who knows what is going to happen.

I'm wondering how is Axel going to take it?

Surely not good.

A/N

Hey guys!

Double update today as well cause I was feeling like it.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

What are your thoughts on Mia's decision? Do we agree or disagree?

Carter or Axel?

Feel free to comment & vote as always! I love reading your comments ❤️❤️

I hope you have a nice day/night! Xx

See you tomorrow for a new chapter!

All the love - M ❤️🦂