Axel

Chapter 63

A/N

Brace yourselves...👀😬😭

~~~~~~~

Seeing two people break up in front of you isn't the nicest thing to witness. Especially when the couple splits on bad terms. Now all these thoughts are flying into my head of what if. What if I can't be a better boyfriend to her than Carter? What if we end up breaking up? What if it's on bad terms too? What if I screw the whole boyfriend thing up? What if I do something wrong and make her mad? What if I upset her one day? What if I can't remember anniversaries and stuff? What if I can't be romantic enough?

The feeling finally sinks it, we could be together now or can't we? My gaze can't seem to be able to focus anywhere it just bounces from wall to wall. My head is going to explode from all the negativity that surrounds it. I almost lost my footing and fall back on my ass but I stable myself before sitting down on the sofa. I can feel Mia's gaze watching me like a hawk.

"Are you okay?" her questions strikes me.

Am I okay? No, I'm not and in other cases, I would've of had lied and said I'm okay but I can't seem to do that today.

"No"

The sofa sinks in a bit next to me, meaning that Mia is here. Holding my head in my hands, eyes closed tight I feel her small hand's grip mine and push them on my lap holding them.

"Why? What thoughts are you having to ruin your mood?" I open and close my mouth like a fish for a few seconds.

A part of me doesn't want to voice them but the other part of me knows that this will be the best for the long run.

"I-i don't think I can do this, " I stumble over my words so I clear my throat and take a deep breath.

"I don't think I can do this right now. I thought I was ready for a relationship but now I'm realizing that I'm nowhere near enough being ready. I've never been in a relationship before! I'll probably screw up so many times that you'll get frustrated with me and leave. What if I can't be the best boyfriend for you? What if we split up in bad terms and never speak again? I don't want that! I want to have you in my life one way or another! You helped me so much and I can't lose you but what if I do something one day that ruin us? I won't be able to live with myself! I-i can't. I-i give up, I give up!" I shake my head and focus my gaze as much as I can on my bare feet.

Mia's hands drop out of mine halfway through my speech. I feel my heart dropping to my stomach. My heartbeat is so loud in my ears. My breathing is unstable. My emotions and thoughts are getting the best of me.

I don't have enough courage to look at her in the eye cause I know the only thing I'll see in them is disappointment.

MIA'S P.O.V

My heart cracked a bit from his words as if an earthquake happened. I keep my eyes on him all the time picking the little things that weren't voiced. His chest rises and falls in an irregular tempo and if I was to guest from his breathing his heartbeat is thumping erratically too. He avoids eye contact at all cost perhaps he's ashamed or too scared to look me in the eyes.

I shake my head and raise my stare to the ceiling trying to keep the tears that pool in my eyes from falling down. It's easy to tell that Axel is in a panic mode right now and a lot of the times we say things that we don't mean when our emotions are overwhelming us.

In this case, though, I'm not sure if he doesn't mean them. I think Axel has some things he needs to work on and maybe I do too. If he's not ready to take this connection between us to the next step on the ladder, then...I don't know.

Why I do now is that he just shattered my heart into a million pieces.

I stand up from the couch and take a few steps towards the bedroom. I guess I need to pack my stuff and probably go either back home or to Maya's. There are a few things on my mind that I want to tell him though so I stop and turn to stare at his side profile.

"Don't expect me to fall into your open arms when you come back to me," I say.

The might have sounded harsh but...I don't know.

What if he played me? He conveniently gives up on us right after I broke it off with Carter and we could be together. Did he really fell for me? Or was it all just a little bit of fun and now the fun is over? From the way his eyes look I'll say I'm trying to find stupid excuses to soothe my broken heart but if I go with actions, it's a possibility.

He doesn't say anything back to me, just slightly tilts his head towards me.

I didn't utter another word and proceeded to go into the bedroom and pack all my stuff.

I didn't have much to pack thankfully since all my other stuff is still at Carter's. I need to go pick them up and have a conversation with him. I know I was a little harsh back there and I want to talk things through without Axel's presence.

Going back into the living room with my bags in hand, I notice that he didn't move an inch but his eyes are staring at mine this time. The waterfall in his eyes is slowly overflowing, they'll start falling down any second now.

I can't look at him cause I know it will break me even more so I look away and grip the handle of the front door.

"Tell me not to leave. Tell me not to step a foot outside this door. If you love me tell me to stay."

The last sentence comes out like a whisper. My voice can't stay strong when theirs a lump at my throat itching to be left out. 

He doesn't tell me what I want to hear. He doesn't tell me not to leave, he doesn't tell me to stay. He doesn't try to stop me from leaving him behind.

"You're a coward Axel, " I say before opening the door.

I can't handle the painful sensation in my chest right now.

"I know... I love you."

His voice crack when he said those words. Some tears manage to escape my eyes but I wipe them away with the pads of my fingers immediately.

Despite the fact that my heart is hurting and despite the fact that I'm disappointed in him, I can't stop loving him.

I can't stop being in love with that boy.

So before I close the door behind me, I utter the words he needed to hear the most.

"I love you too."

I take out my phone and texted Maya if I can crash at her place but on second thought, I deleted it and dial my mum.

"Hey mum, can I come to stay with you guys for a few days?" I say as I move towards the bus station.

"Something happened between me and Carter and I just wanted to get away for a bit."

I sit on the bench waiting for the bus to come any minute now.

"Okay thanks, mum, I'll see you later love you, " I ended the call and stare at the sky.

I manage to keep the tears from falling long enough to seat at the back of the bus. Hopefully, it was almost empty so no one saw me silently shading weight of tears because of my broken heart.

I hope that one day soon things will change for the better.

I hope that Axel will come back to me soon because I don't think I'll be waiting for him like a lovesick puppy to come back forever.

A/N

Hey guys, I hope you're all doing well!

Hearts broke in this chapter...will they mend? 💔 you'll have to wait and see...👀

Feel free to comment & vote! ❤️

I hope you have a nice day and night! Xx

All the love - M ❤️