why are you so private
what is it that you hide
I never wanted silence
but if I spoke I'd lie
when I say I love you
you smile and don't reply
is who I am not right?
or do I need more time?
I want more than I give
I touch more than I love
I talk more than I think
I want more than I'm allowed
what are you without company
how do you speak when you're alone
how many days to learn your language
how many to see your home
show me your debris
the extant life and decay
the lowest layer of your forest's floor
what you throw away
I want to see it close
to hold it to my chest
to sort through every piece
to know what each one meant
I give you space
I turn away
to let you know you're seen
but with every breathe
I take away
we're back to where we've been
it's not so much the knowledge
to soothe my curious soul
it's the simple gift of personhood
to let yourself be known
if who I am's not right
what more can I be
I cannot change my colors
what I am is what you see
it should be enough
to know what I do of your heart
if this is where we stay
I wouldn't fall apart
when I lift my hand you flinch
little physical trust
but more when I ask a question
less love than lust
if you would touch me intimately
but say that we are not close
what do I mean to you really?
a body can be mapped in an evening
a mind can never be explored
