The Year of Heartbreaks

Uneasy

Wooyoung and Haneul were both 13 when the girl lost his father, something truly devastating for a kid who just lost his mother less than a year before. She was all alone, although, for her, being alone was not something she didn't already accustomed to. It wasn't that Haneul grew up without any love, but her parents were always too busy with their own struggles to provide the love and care their child deserved.

Even long before she lost her mother, she got by with little or almost no motherly care she craved so much. Her mother was drowned in depression from even before she was born, making childcare to be extremely difficult for her to do. Haneul grew up watching her mother struggled alone and slowly got detached from her life until she finally decided to end her life.

Haneul's father, who lived his life dedicated solely for his wife, didn't do well with the loss. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't live with the sadness of losing the love of his life. His health rapidly deteriorated and he died of a heart failure just 10 months after his wife's passing.

It was the day of Haneul's father's funeral. Wooyoung had been frantically pacing around the building looking for his bestfriend. He found her sitting down under a tree outside the funeral home, staring at nothingness. Dressed in a black hanbok, her eyes were empty and her fingers shaking as the summer breeze blew upon her ponytail. The 13 years old Wooyoung slowly approached her, unsure of what to do to comfort the girl he cared deeply for.

"People are looking for you," he told her. Haneul was still but he knew she noticed his presence, then he sat by her side. "What are you doing here?"

"Wooyoung-ah.. what do I do now?" she turned her head slowly at him and the look in her eyes gave him a stabbing pain in his chest. No sign of tears on her face, which only made him even more worried. He didn't know how to answer. That was his question too afterall.

"I'm here for you.." he chose to say. He scooted closer and pulled her into a hug, squeezing her so tight hoping it could put her broken pieces together again.

"Why did they even have me? Why must I be born?" Haneul's voice cracked and a silent sob soon followed as Wooyoung felt her shoulders shaking in his embrace.

Wooyoung's heart broke like it never did before. His brave and but sometimes reckless Haneul, clung helplessly to him as every bits of hope she had left flew away. He ran his fingers through her hair in a desperate attempt to calm her mind, his heart cried along with her. There was nothing he could do for her except being the bestfriend he always was.

After Haneul was taken in by her aunt and moved to Incheon, uneasiness had never left Wooyoung. Even with him promising himself to take care of Haneul and to gave her everything he had, he was left in a situation where had little idea how her life had been since the funeral. He tried calling but Haneul was never the one to be good talking through the phone, and always told him that she's fine.

It killed him inside to feel that he might lose someone so precious in his life. He wanted her close, somewhere she could be with him and be herself once again. One night after he had enough of her telling him that she's okay when he knew otherwise, Wooyoung put down his chopstick in the middle of a family dinner.

"Aboji, eomeoni.." he addressed his parents and took a deep breath before continuing, "Can't Haneul just live with us?"

***

"Haneul was my first love." Wooyoung heard himself said.