how can I

the accident

Amber's POV

flashback......

It hurts like hell without her...

"what have I done to us my princess..why did'nt you listen to me even just for a minute so you would know?" I said to myself many times..

I went home alone that night..silence was all over the house and it felt so empty..like how empty I felt inside..I went straight to our room and curled up in our bed.I did'nt even mind to change my clothes that got soaked in the rain..I reached my hand to the side of the bed where my princess used to sleep..'soojung-ah it feels cold without you in here' I thought to myself as I remembered those times that she used to snuggle closer to me every moment we were together in that bed..that it felt so hard to get out of bed when we wake up but needed to because of work. Days passed and I get to miss her even more..I asked myself ' does she even miss me even just a little bit?'..my friends kept on calling me but they just don't know..I just can't tell them it was just Key who knew everything all along..it's just that I dont want to because I didnt want to be pitied..I didnt bother answering any of their calls not even my sister..I lived like a lifeless zombie..I closed myself from the world..Key once came and talked to me but I did not take any of his advices anymore..he kept on bugging me to take my medications but it just did'nt work..I just did'nt care anymore..I told him I was ok and gave my best shot to fake a smile just for him to believe me..He got mad of how hard headed I was but he's my bestfriend afterall..I told him it wont take long and I just needed sometime alone to absorb things up ..He then left and told me to just call him if I needed someone to talk to..

One morning I woke up of severe headache..I couldnt take it and had to grab my hair and bumped my head on the headboard just to ease the pain..then I felt something hot coming out of my nose *drip* ..I was bleeding..then suddenly the doorbell rang..I did not planned to answer it but it kept on ringing that irritated me more because of the loud noise..I dragged myself out to open the door and stood there was my sister Jackie..The moment she saw me her eyes widened filled with awe and covered her mouth because of shock to see how I was..

"oh my god Amber!!!what have you done to youself?!"---Jackie exclaimed as she pulled me and hugged me tight..

"---------Jackie" i did'nt know what to say..I just stood still as I felt tears out of my eyes.I held unto her tight like a little kid wanted to be protected from the world.

"Key called me and told me everything..Amber you know were still here for you..please just let her go if that's what she want..you know yourself you tried but it's her who already closed her door Amber..let's go home..face it like a man.."---Jackie started to cry out those words..

"it was all my fault Jackie ..it was my fault it was all I could say..I felt the pain in my head become worse which caused me to cry out in pain..

''stop blaming yourself..it's nobody's fault"--- i heard Jackie said as I fell down..

"Amber!!!what's wrong?!" I grabbed my head with both hands and cried in pain ..my vision then became blurry and the last thing I knew was my sister calling for help..

The moment I opened my eyes I found myself on the white room with Jackie sitting beside me with her head lying on my bed sleeping soundly as she held my hand..i squeezed her hand lightly and that woke her up..she then hugged me tight before calling the doctor.. The doctor told us that my condition is not getting any better and got even worse that i needed to undergo a surgery as soon as possible.I did not utter any words about it but I begged Jackie to get me out of there immediately..Staying at the hospital makes me sick even more..after I got discharged from the hospital on our way home I just stared at Jackie..I wanted to tell her something and i really hoped she would agree with it..then without even looking at me Jackie spoke......

"what is it Amber..spit it out I know your up to something.."

"Jackie take me to Soojung" I said and smiled at her..she then stepped on the break and looked at me.

"but Amber.." I know she's going to protest but i cut her off..

"please Jackie just this once..let me just say goodbye..it won't take long I promise..I don't know if I'll be able to see her again" I pleaded

"so does that mean your coming back with me to LA?" I nodded

"and your gonna tke the operation?"I did not answered her question and just stared out the window.

"ok then just promise me you won't do anything stupid" I just smiled as her assurance and then she drove me to where Soojung was taking her photoshoot.

I went out of the car ad looked for her..there she was..and she's really doing great with her career now..I waited until the photoshoot ended..I used the chance to just stare at her from a distance trying to capture every moment..trying to memorize every detail about her..Just as I was about to approach her theres this guy who suddenly came to her and handed her a bouquet of flowers..she then smiled at him..that smile..that was always meant for me and I really missed to see it..I stopped from my tracts and just stood there from a distance looking at them..I dont want to take away that smile on her face..then suddenly I caught her attention when she looked at my direction..i think she was shocked to see me there..i just smiled at her instead..i flashed my dorkiest smile that she used to love..I mouthed to her 'im sorry' and waved her goodbye..She stared at me looking confused with the way I acted but I quickly turned around and walked back to where Jackie was not looking back anymore..Jackie drove away from that place..she never said anything but she patted my shoulder and looked at me and smiled i just smiled back at her though it really hurts inside. After saying goodbye to my friends and to Key and told him not to tell anyone specially Soojung about me and just keep it a secret ..we immediately flew back to LA the next day..

in LA...

My parents welcomed me with their warm embrace when we arrived home. I knew they knew all along what happened to me and Soojung but no one dared to speak anything about it nor ask me anything concerning her..ofcourse Key wouldnt leave just a single info about it but I did not hear anything from them..I knew their doing their best to keep my mind out of it and cheer me up..It hurts to see my mom worrying about me.. She begged me to do the surgery but I told her I wasnt ready yet..

There I started my so-called moving on..going out with old friends..going out for drinks..and one night on my way home I was a little bit tipsy but managed to drive.. my car collided with a truck..everything happened so fast and as I heard a loud crash I felt pain all over my body..I really thought I was goin to die that night..next thing I knew was those bright lights that made me dizzy ..I thought of her before I closed my eyes..

Yes after getting into that accident my family gave their consent to do the surgery on me immediately,,I survived the operation but I was in a coma for months..then when I opened my eyes..I could'nt see anything.,it was just total darkness..I was so afraid realizing the fact but my family was there for me..I slowly embraced the fact that I lost my sight,,and that was when i met my attending nurse Yoona..We became goodfriends..Slowly I learned to move on like I learned how to get used with my condition..One thing I thanked about this condition is that I can't search anything about her anymore because I can't use my phone or computer alone anymore..All I knew is that she's even acting and a singer now..